Bushisms and Other Ridiculous Ideas

Just goes to show you

2007-12-14T06:53:00.000-05:00

From the December 13, 2007 Democratic debate on Iowa Public TV

Moderator: Senator Obama, you have Bill Clinton's former National Security Advisor, State Department Policy Director, and Navy Secretary, among others, advising you. With relatively little foriegn policy experience of your own, how will you rely on so many Clinton advisors and still deliver the kind of break from the past that you're promising voters?

Obama: Well the uh.. You know I am...

Clinton (off camera): Cackle. I want to hear that. Cackle cackle.

Obama: Well Hillary, I'm looking forward to you advising me as well.

Moderator (off camera): Laugh.

Clinton (on camera): Silent and red faced.

If there is one thing in the whole campaign that has given me reservation about Senator Obama it is his apparent lack of spontaneity -- until today.

But further, this calls forth the question, Why aren't these people advising her?

Just goes to show you -- Newt's Mom was right.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St Petersburg Fl
sixtimeseven@aol.com

“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.” -- Mark Twain.

What a bunch of stooges!

2007-12-13T15:37:00.000-05:00

How long will the GOP tolerate Larry Fine and the Howard brothers riding the elephant at the head of their parade?

A Southern actor whose greatest appeal is his drawl, a Yankee Ken doll, an Arizona fossil, a Texas loon, three guys who think the dinosaurs became extinct because there was no room on the Ark, and a New Yorker who is the moral equivalent of George Bush in drag!

I have this vision of the '08 Republican Convention opening with a prayer and ending in a pie-fight.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com

"On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.” -- Will Rogers.

Birth Control Pills for 11-Year-Old Girls? Ford Has a Better Idea

2007-10-18T22:14:00.000-04:00

In order to solve the problem of teen pregnancy one must think beyond the symptom. What about free, mandatory (or voluntary) vasectomies for 11 year old boys?

Routine surgical vasectomies as performed today, although in most cases are irreversible, do not prevent or inhibit sperm production, or male fertility. If, at some time in the future, the male should choose to reproduce with an agreeable mate, the sperm cell(s) can be procedurally extracted from the testes and artificially implanted into the womb of the agreeable female.

This simple solution would prevent all unwanted pregnancies, yet not prevent any couple from ever having children if they choose to. The operative concept being: "Choice."

Sure would stifle the pro-life/pro-choice debate overnight, wouldn't it?

Q.E.D.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com

"Nothing has such power to broaden the mind as the ability to investigate systematically and truly all that comes under thy observation in life." -- Marcus Aurelius.

I hear the nukes a comin'

2007-09-17T06:34:00.000-04:00

I hear the nukes a comin',
They're fallin' on Iran,
And they been launched by Dub-yah,
Just be-cause he can,
I’m stuck in Gitmo Prison,
And I ain’t gettin’ out,
But that bastard keeps a-talkin’
Just like he has no doubt.

When I was first ar-rested,
The FBI said “Boy,
You’ gonna be here long time,
‘Til there ain’t no oil,”
‘Cause I bought a book called Kor-an,
And read it on a bus,
When I think about my choice then,
I just don’t get the fuss.

I bet there’s rich folks beatin’,
The neo-cons war drum,
They ain’t payin’ taxes,
And callin’ us folks dumb,
But I know I had it comin‘,
Because I voted red,
Now those people own the White House,
And soon we’ll all be dead.

Well, if I was a free man,
If I could tell the world,
I’d say “Ev’rybody listen now,
And boil the man in oil,”
He made a war for profit,
Over in Iraq,
He stuck us in the Green Zone,
And stabbed us in the back.

With apologies to Johnny Cash.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St Petersburg, Fl
sixtimeseven@aol.com
"A war for profit can accomplish in weeks what may take a war of ideas centuries. It just leaves a bigger mess." -- JR Ford, Sept 2005

George W - ill?

2006-10-23T01:16:00.000-04:00

Somewhere herein lies a portrait of a man who will say, do, or intimate anything in order to retain or enhance his own power.

"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." -- George W. Bush.

"Great ideology creates great times." -- Kim Jung-il.

George W. Bush's father served as U.S. President from 1989 to 1993.

Kim Jong-il succeeded his father, Kim Il-sung who was the leader of North Korea from 1948 until his death in 1994.

George W. Bush is Commander in Chief of all US military forces.

Kim Jong-il is General and Supreme Commander of all North Korean armed forces.

George W. Bush is in charge of all US domestic affairs covered under the Executive branch.

Kim Jong-il is in charge of all internal affairs in the Democratic People's Republic.

George W. Bush, in a televised debate held in 1999, was asked "What political philosopher or thinker do you most identify with and why?" Unlike the other Republican candidates, who cited former Presidents and other political figures, Bush responded, "Christ, because he changed my life." His appeal to religious values is believed to have aided his 2000 election as President.

Kim Jong-il's voice was broadcast for the first time in 1992. During a military parade, he approached the microphone and said "Glory to the heroic soldiers of the People's Army!" When his father died in 1994, he was not replaced as President, and in fact remains the President resting in the memorial mausoleum in central Pyongyang. The active position has been abolished in deference to the memory of Kim Il-sung, officially deified as the "Great Leader." Kim Jong-il unofficially succeeded him assuming the title of General Secretary of the Worker's Party of Korea, affectionately known as "Dear Leader."

George W. Bush, on his first day in office, moved to block federal aid to foreign groups that offered counselling or any other assistance to women in obtaining abortions. Days into his first term, Bush announced his commitment to channelling more federal aid to faith-based service organizations, while his staff privately buffooned religious leaders.

Kim Jong-il in his position as Chairman of the National Defense Commission was declared in 1998 to occupy "the highest post of the state", so Kim may be regarded as North Korea's head of state from that date. This is the first, and so far only, time a communist country's leadership has progressed in a dynastic succession. Since Kim is not the president, he is not constitutionally required to hold elections to confirm his legitimacy and has not done so.

George W. Bush is known privately to have a singularly bad, head strong temper and relies on his own instinct and the advice of limited inner circle of advisors rather than consensus when making policy decisions. He has fired staffers, advisors, Cabinet members, and generals who have disagreed with him.

Kim Jong-il is a reclusive leader who is known for his "cruelty and unpredictability," and demands absolute obedience and agreement, and views any deviation from his thinking as a sign of disloyalty.

George W. Bush has a number of accounts of substance abuse and otherwise disorderly conduct in his past, and he has admitted to drinking "too much" described this period of his life as his "nomadic" period of "irresponsible youth". Bush was able to keep his drunk driving arrest a secret throughout his years as governor of Texas.

Kim Jong-il, prior to 1995, was frequently accused of dishonesty, drunkenness, sexual excess of various kinds and even insanity. He sometimes wears lifts and platform shoes.

George W. Bush is often referred to by the nickname Dubya.

Kim Jong-il dictates content of state television KCTV news broadcasts, which make frequent use of honorifics such as "Great Leader," "Dear General," and "Dear Father," and occasionally "The Sun of the 21st Century."

George W. Bush, in May of 1968, was accepted into the Texas Air National Guard. After training, he was assigned to duty in Houston. Bush has been criticized over his induction and period of service, and that he was irregular in attendance. Bush took a transfer to the Alabama Air National Guard in 1972 to work on a Republican senate campaign, and in 1974 he obtained permission to end his six-year service obligation six months early to attend Harvard Business School, receiving an honorable discharge.

Kim Jong-il, according to North Korean "enjoys golf, having shot multiple holes-in-one during his first try at the game. He reportedly aced five holes and finished 38 under par on the golf course."

George W. Bush's share in the sale of the Texas Rangers brought him over $15 million from his initial $800,000 investment. His net worth is estimates range between $9 million and $26 million. Dick Cheney's 2005 net worth is $92 Million.

Kim Jong-il once traveled across Russia by train with a Russian emissary who told reporters that Kim had live lobsters air-lifted to the train every day which he ate with silver chopsticks. His net worth approaches $4 billion.

George W. Bush, during his first term, sought and obtained Congressional approval for two additional tax cuts: the Job Creation and Worker Assistance Act of 2002 and the Jobs and Growth Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2003. Arguably, cuts were distributed disproportionately to higher income taxpayers through a decrease in marginal rates. Three million new, low-wage, service-based jobs have been created, and an equal number of high paying, manufacturing and technology jobs have migrated overseas.

Kim Jong-il declared in 2002 that "money should be capable of measuring the worth of all commodities." North Korea relies upon foreign aid and imports most of it's commodities. Up to one half of North Koreans are unemployed, and have no state funded assistance.

George W. Bush has presided over record economic profits by US based multinational energy corporations, domestic pharmaceutical manufacturers, health and hazard insurance companies, and Wall Street brokerages, yet real wages for middle class workers have fallen for five straight years, and domestic bankruptcies and homeowner mortgage defaults are at an all time high. Trade with China has nearly doubled.

Kim Jong-il is North Korea's foremost economic planner. Despite its international and economic difficulties as a result of poor industrial productivity, it does not seem to be in imminent danger of collapse. The Democratic People's Republic has begun limited market experimentation, and trade with China nearly doubled between 2002 and 2004

George W. Bush's domestic agenda carried forward the adoption of the No Child Left Behind Act, with Democratic Senator Ted Kennedy as chief sponsor. The legislation aims to close the achievement gap, measures student performance, provides options to parents with students in low-performing schools, and targets more federal funding to low-income schools. NCLBA has been a source of ongoing controversy. Critics argue that Bush has underfunded his own program, and Kennedy himself has claimed: "The tragedy is that these long overdue reforms are finally in place, but the funds are not." One in seven Americans has no health care coverage whatsoever, whereas every congressperson is afforded health care coverage for life at taxpayer expense.

Kim Jong-il's domestic agenda is reflected by estimates ranging as high as the existence of 5 million orphans and as many as 10,000 North Koreans starve every day as a result of corruption within the Pyongyang and regional bureaucracies, pilferage and hoarding by the government elite, neglectful disconcern by Kim and the loyal party base, and total disregard for the rural population outside the bubble of Pyongyang's fallacious auspice. During the 1990's, even soldiers were starved to death in lieu of Kim's ferver for advanced technological weaponry. Education and health care are virtually non-existant for all but roughly 1 million of it's 22 million citizens, and an estimated 2 to 5 million in the DPRK military.

George W. Bush publicly condemned Kim Jong-Il and his Stalinist regime, naming North Korea one of three states in an "axis of evil," and vowing that "[t]he United States of America will not permit the world's most dangerous regimes to threaten us with the world's most destructive weapons." Within months, both countries had walked away from their respective commitments under the US-DPRK Agreed Framework of 1994.

Kim Jong-il's relationship with the United States has been more difficult. The U.S. and North Korea signed the Agreed Framework following a U.S. military buildup near the country, with the U.S. considering bombing an active reactor. Under this agreement, North Korea was to shut down its graphite-moderated nuclear reactors and plutonium processing program in exchange for two light water reactors paid for mostly by South Korea, together with interim fuel oil shipments by the U.S. Construction of the light-water reactors fell behind schedule and delivery of the fuel oil was often late. North Korea was supposed to use these for energy only but was accused by the U.S. of pursuing nuclear weapons.

George W Bush's apparent mediocrity has been a major factor in his success.

Kim Jong Il happens to be brilliant at his primary responsibility--remaining in power.

George W Bush is a self-described "war President." Since his 2004 re-election, he has received increasingly heated criticism, even from former allies, on the Iraq War, the Guantanamo Bay prison and Abu Ghraib torture and prisoner abuse scandals, as well as domestic issues such as federal funding of stem cell research, Hurricane Katrina, NSA warrantless surveillance, and a number of scandals.

Kim Jong Il dominates the life of the Korean people who form a harmonious whole with the General is a revolutionary life to glorify their noblest political integrity. This is why they have unbendingly advanced the revolution with an unshakable faith, not wavering under any obstacles and trials. The General is the mental pillar and the eternal sun to the Korean people. As they are in harmonious whole with him, they are enjoying a true life based on pure conscience and obligation. They are upholding him as their great father and teacher, united around him in ideology, morality and obligation. So, their life is a true, fruitful and precious life without an equal in history.

George W Bush's popularity has declined. Some people, such as Benjamin Ferencz, a chief prosecutor at the Nuremberg trials, hold the view that Bush should be tried for war crimes along with Saddam Hussein for starting "aggressive" wars. They argue that the US-led invasion was a war of aggression, and therefore under the Nuremberg Principles it constitutes the supreme international crime from which all other war crimes follow.

Kim Jong Il is absolutely worshiped. The Korean people trust and follow him as god. These noble ideological feelings are ascribable to the fact that they have keenly felt the greatness of the General from the bottom of their hearts. He is the great teacher who teaches them what the true life is, a father who provides them with the noblest political integrity and a tender-hearted benefactor who brings their worthwhile life into full bloom.

Bush to Review Iraq Tactics
By KEVIN FREKING, AP

WASHINGTON (Oct. 20) - President Bush acknowledged Friday that "it's tough" in Iraq and said he would consult with American generals to see if a change in tactics is necessary to combat the escalating violence.

Seventy-four American troops have died in Iraq in October, likely to become the deadliest month for U.S. forces in nearly two years.

"One of the reasons you're seeing more casualties is the enemy is active and so are our troops, along with Iraqis," Bush said in a brief interview with The Associated Press.

He said he planned consultations within the next few days with Gen. John Abizaid, the top U.S. commander in the Middle East, and Gen. George Casey, who leads the U.S.-led Multinational Forces in Iraq.

"We are constantly adjusting our tactics so we can achieve the objectives and right now, it's tough," the president said. "It's tough on the families who've lost a loved one. It's tough for our citizens who look at it on TV. It's hard on the Iraqis. They've lost a lot of life."

He declined to say, though, whether he thought a change in tactics was necessary

The president has often said that U.S. goals in Iraq remain the same: to have a country that can sustain itself, govern itself and help in the war on terror.

[...]
The White House said that while Bush might change tactics in Iraq, he would not change his overall strategy despite growing opposition and Republican anxiety that his policy could cost the GOP control of the House or the Senate - or both.

[...]
"The president is not going to alter his approach based on political considerations, but instead on the business of trying and moving toward having an Iraq that can sustain, govern and defend itself," Bush's spokesman said.

With the war in its fourth year and the U.S. death toll above 2,780, Bush faces intense political pressure to change what critics say is a failed Iraq policy. An independent commission led by former secretary of State James A. Baker III and former Democratic Rep. Lee Hamilton of Indiana is exploring options for a new Iraq strategy.

On another contentious foreign policy issue, Bush said he would not comment on a report that North Korea had apologized for conducting a nuclear test until he had a chance to consult with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who is in Beijing for talks with Chinese officials on the nuclear standoff.

The mass-circulation Chosun Ilbo reported that North Korean leader Kim Jong Il had told the Chinese that "he is sorry about the nuclear test." The North Korean leader also raised the possibility the country would return to arms talks.

Bush said Rice would report back to him later Friday. "I will then react, but we'll wait to hear confirmation on whether the leader of North Korea has stated that," he said.

[...]
Later, at a fundraiser in Washington for the National Republican Senatorial Committee, Bush said his party has the best ideas for fostering U.S. economic progress and winning the war on terror and the war in Iraq. He urged Congress to extend his tax cuts and said if Democrats win the elections, they will raise taxes.

He also railed against Democrats who criticize the war in Iraq. Calling the Democrats the party of "cut and run," Bush said: "The voters out there need to ask the question, `Which political party will support the brave men and women who wear our uniform when they do their job of protecting America? Which political party is willing to give our professionals the tools necessary to protect the American people? Which political party has a strategy for victory in this war on terror?

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press.

North Korea's Kim Regrets Test
By BURT HERMAN, AP

SEOUL, South Korea (Oct. 20) - North Korean leader Kim Jong Il said Pyongyang didn't plan to carry out any more nuclear tests and expressed regret about the country's first-ever atomic detonation last week, South Korean media reported Friday.

North Korea, however, kept up its bellicose rhetoric as more than 100,000 people gathered Friday in Pyongyang's central Kim Il Sung square to "hail the success of the historic nuclear test," according to the North's official media.

Kim told Chinese State Councilor Tang Jiaxuan that "we have no plans for additional nuclear tests," Yonhap news agency reported, citing an unnamed diplomatic source in Beijing.

Kim also told the Chinese that "he is sorry about the nuclear test," the mass-circulation Chosun Ilbo daily reported, citing a diplomatic source in China. The North Korean leader also raised the possibility the country would return to arms talks.

"If the U.S. makes a concession to some degree, we will also make a concession to some degree, whether it be bilateral talks or six-party talks," Kim was quoted as telling a Chinese envoy, the newspaper reported. The delegation led by Tang met Kim during a daylong visit on Thursday.

[...]
A North Korean official, meanwhile, defended last week's nuclear test and said Pyongyang would "crush U.S. imperialists' schemes with its self-defensive power."

"No matter how the U.S. imperialists try to stifle and isolate our republic ... victory will be on the side of justice," said Choe Thae Bok, secretary of the Central Committee of the Workers' Party of Korea, according to the North's official Korean Central News Agency's Korean-language report.

Choe made the comments at a rally in the North Korean capital in which tens of thousands of citizens and soldiers cheered the nuclear test, according to KCNA - the first known celebration directly tied to the explosion.

In an interview with ABC News in Pyongyang, North Korea's chief nuclear negotiator, Kim Kye Gwan, said the country was willing to return to talks.

"We believe that the nuclear test that we've already held gives us full deterrent, sufficient deterrent power, and we hope to return to six-party talks," Kim Kye Gwan said, adding there's no reason North Korea should remain an enemy of the U.S.

In the interview, Kim also noted the North has not indicated there would be another nuclear test, but that "others have said that."

[...]
North Korea has long insisted that the U.S. desist from a campaign to sever its ties to the international financial system. Washington accuses Pyongyang of complicity in counterfeiting and money laundering to sell weapons of mass destruction...

Associated Press writers Audra Ang in Beijing and Kevin Freking in Washington contributed to this report. Copyright 2006 The Associated Press.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com

"You can always hire one half of the poor to kill the other half."
-- William Marcy "Boss" Tweed.

Exclusive Interview with VP Richard B. Cheney by the UP (Unsubstantiated Press)

2006-10-19T13:34:00.000-04:00

UP: Welcome, Mr. Vice President.

Dick: Dick. Call me Dick.

UP: Ok, Dick.

Dick: I am, you know.

UP: So I've heard.

Dick: It's an attitude thing.

UP: Dick, it's been said that you are a pretty uptight fellow, like you've got a broomstick up your ass.

Dick: I categorically deny that!

UP: I suspected you might.

Dick: Of course. I'm a twenty-first century guy.

UP: How's that?

Dick: It's a Swiffer.

UP: Dick, what can you tell us about the sex scandal in Congress involving Mark Foley?

Dick: That dumb cocksucker. Not much really. I do know that he's a speed reader.

UP: Is that right?

Dick: Two pages at a time.

UP: You know there are some serious allegations about he and some others that could hurt the Republican party, and Foley could go to jail.

Dick: I've anticipated that.

UP: So you're saying you have a political counter strategy formulated?

Dick: No. I sent him a case of Softsoap.

UP: Good thinking. Turning to the War of Terror, is there any news of the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden?

Dick: We're not sure at the moment, but the CIA says he's been sighted touring with ZZ Top.

UP: So he's on the run?

Dick: He's got legs.

UP: Let me ask you about Halliburton. You were CEO until you became vice president. Can you explain the billions in no-bid contracts, the 50 lawsuits alleging fraud and other malfeasance, and the fact that Halliburton's stock value is now seven times greater than before we invaded Iraq? A lot of Americans feel like they're getting screwed.

Dick: I always use a condom.

UP: Would you call that: "Safe Sodomy," Dick?

Dick: Bet'cher ass.

UP: What about Saddam Hussein? There is evidence to suggest that you and others supplied him with chemical weapons back in the eighties, but it is unclear how he reimbursed the US.

Dick: Umm, well. His mustache tickles.

UP: I can imagine it would.

Dick: Kinda wiry.

UP: And North Korea? Supposedly Don Rumsfeld sat on the board of directors of a company that sold them nuclear technology during the nineties.

Dick: Let me think back to my future recollection about it. I'm pretty sure that transaction was handled by one Dr. Emmet Brown. As I remember it, what we delivered were some old Whirlpool parts and a used DeLorean.

UP: With a flux capacitor?

Dick: No. We substituted a pair of dingo balls.

UP: Tell me about the administration's relationship with the religious right.

Dick: Nuts!

UP: Excuse me?

Dick: I said, "nuts." I knew you were going to ask me that.

UP: Jerry Falwell, for example?

Dick: He doesn't.

UP: I beg your pardon?

Dick: Fall well. I pushed him down the chapel steps one time. The weenie broke his nose. He doesn't.

UP: Fall well?

Dick: Nope.

UP: Oh. What about Pat Robertson and his 700 club?

Dick: There's over a million members. All Republicans, you know. 700 is their collective IQ.

UP: I didn't know that.

Dick: Wasn't always called the 700 club. Dubyah was reborn 20 years ago and joined the club. That's when they changed it.

UP: What was it called before?

Dick: The 666 club. For all you right-brained liberals out there, the answer is 34.

UP: Speaking of the President, what is your sincere opinion of him?

Dick: George Dubyah is a great and powerful leader, almost like a Greek hero. Why even his mother says he's the product of a Trojan casualty.

UP: Amazing.

Dick: He's so amazing he could be the Wizard of Oz.

UP: He could?

Dick: If he only had a brain.

UP: Tell me about Condaleeza Rice.

Dick: Wonderful woman; comes from a fine family. I went to school with her Uncle Ben.

UP: Hmm.. Condaleeza is a unique name. Do you know the origin?

Dick: It's French. She also has two sisters, both with French names.

UP: Which are?

Dick: Vageena and Douchey.

UP: Really?

Dick: Got a brother too. He's a rap singer; pretty slick.

UP: What's his name?

Dick: K.Y.

UP: I'll look for him on CD. Let's turn to the immigration problem. Where do you stand?

Dick: Ronald Reagan, our other greatest President, summed it up brilliantly when he said: "Mexicans are more aptly suited to agricultural work because they are built close to the ground."

UP: No. He didn't really say that, did he?

Dick: Would I jerk you off?

UP: Uhh... I dunno.

Dick: You're the one stroking me, jockstrap.

UP: Since you brought it up, I notice your head seems swollen. How'd that happen?

Dick: Ahh. That lying, limp-dick Libby slammed it in the tailgate of my Taurus.

UP: OW! That sucks. I hear Libby is facing 30 years for perjury.

Dick: I anticipated that, also.

UP: Sent him hand soap in a pump bottle, too?

Dick: Nope. Lava, a whole truckload.

UP: Ouch! You didn't?

Dick: Yep. Really blew a wad on it.

UP: Now that you mention it, what's that odd looking stain on your necktie?

Dick: It's Clinton's fault!

UP: Dick, that's outrageous. It can't be true.

Dick: What do I look like? Some fat chick in a blue dress? Go fuck yourself!

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
fortytwo

"Remember: 'Dick Cheney' is a complete sentence

"That's All I Can Stands, I Can't Stands No More; and Avoid Spinach" -- Popeye the Sailor

2006-10-09T15:43:00.000-04:00

I'm all outta Marlboros here, Fargo, and wound so tight I'm 'bout ready to bleach my hair blonde, conk my generally funny looking partner with an axe, an' stuff 'em in the wood chipper out back by the Moose Lake.

"One day soon, it will not be difficult for anyone to decide which was the greater disaster: 9/11 or this administration." -- JR Ford, Sep 2006.

"It is unacceptable to think..." -- George W. Bush, 9/15/06.

"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office." -- Aesop.

"When we got into office, the thing that surprised me most was to find that things were just as bad as we'd been saying they were." -- John F. Kennedy.

"It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." -- Douglas Adams.

"Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often." -- Mae West.

Maf54(11:14:32 AM): I’ve got MALE!
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a Congressman. But then I repeat myself." -- Mark Twain.

"This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer." -- Will Rogers.

"At some point, if someone is bludgeoning himself to death, sometimes the best strategy is to stand back and let him do it." -- Unknown.

"Wonder what Dick Armey would say today if asked about the Barney Fag remark on talk radio, which led to Armey losing the House Majority Leader post to Tom Delay?" -- JR Ford, Oct 2006.

"Every time we come to the conclusion that the Republican administration and Congress could not be any more stupid and greedy, they stun us. If you think about it, this is a loose definition of torture." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"Ninety percent of the world are fools, and the rest of us are in danger of being contaminated." -- Horace Vandergelder, Yonkers, NY.

"The man would have sex with a cigar store Indian if he could figure out how to avoid the splinters." -- JR Ford, Oct 2004.

"Z - V - B - X - R - P - L." -- Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush, DVM, a.k.a. Groucho Marx, A Day at the Races.

"When the tyrant has disposed of foreign enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing to fear from them, then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the people may require a leader." -- Plato.

"It is also in the interests of a tyrant to keep his people poor, so that they may not be able to afford the cost of protecting themselves by arms and be so occupied with their daily tasks that they have no time for rebellion." -- Aristotle.

"There is no true glory in war." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, on the eve of D-Day.

"It is part of the general pattern of misguided policy that our country is now geared to an arms economy which was bred in an artificially induced psychosis of war hysteria and nurtured upon an incessant propaganda of fear." -- Douglas MacArthur, May 15, 1951.

"Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in fear." -- Harry S. Truman.

"Those who make peaceful revolutions impossible will make violent revolutions inevitable." -- John F. Kennedy.

"It is not too strong a statement to declare that this is the way civilizations begin to die. None of us has the right to suppose it cannot happen here." -- Richard M. Nixon.

"A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny." -- Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

"[T]hey say there isn't any royalty in this country, but do you want me to tell you how to be king of the United States of America? Just fall through the hole in a privy and come out smelling like a rose." -- Kurt Vonnegutt.

"The Bush Administration could never mutate into a dictatorship. Dictatorships are efficient." -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"You say you want a revolution?" -- John Lennon.

"The imperialists see extremists everywhere. It's not that we are extremists. It's that the world is waking up. It's waking up all over. And people are standing up." -- Hugo Chavez, 20 Sept 2006.

"Ego notwithstanding, Chavez is right about one thing. The U.S. is becoming increasingly unpopular around the world, primarily for one reason: George W. Bush. His policies taste of tyranny, at home and abroad." -- JR Ford, Sep 2006.

"We are a nation victimized by ignorance resultant from media sound bites predigested for the short attention span appetite; media included." -- JR Ford, Sep 2006.

"Never was so much false arithmetic employed on any subject as that which has been employed to persuade nations that it is in their interests to go to war." -- Thomas Jefferson.

"Never has so much military and economic and diplomatic power been used so ineffectively, and if after all of this time, and all of this sacrifice, and all of this support, there is still no end in sight, then I say the time has come for the American people to turn to new leadership not tied to the mistakes and policies of the past." -- Richard M. Nixon.

"Why, after four years since 9/11/2001, when he was originally declared the target of the war on terror, is a six foot, four inch, 50-year-old, gray-haired A-rab on dialysis, who walks with a limp and tucks his beard into his gun belt, still at large and operating a video recording studio from the Flintstones' old neighborhood?" -- JR Ford, Jul 2005.

"Osama Bin Laden's intent when he attacked the WTC on 9/11/2001 was to disrupt-if not destroy-the American economy. The $3 trillion budget surplus Bush inherited back in 2001 is now an $8 trillion deficit. The rate of the deficit is still growing; so much so that we rely upon our heretofore evil enemies Communist China, and Saudi Arabia, two of the most repressive regimes on Earth--among others--to purchase billions in U.S. Treasury bonds to just keep our spend-and-don't-tax credit-card government afloat. If that isn't irony, there is none." -- JR Ford, Feb 2005.

“Ronald Reagan won the Cold war by outspending the Soviets into economic oblivion. Bin Laden is causing us to do the same thing to ourselves.” -- JR Ford, Oct 2006.

"So let me see if I've got this. Israel, India, Pakistan, North Korea and most likely Iran, have nuclear (not NUCULAR) weapons capability. 9/11 was engineered by Saudis, hiding out in Afghanistan; and we invaded Iraq? Did I get that right?" -- JR Ford, April 2003.

"There are now more Americans dead as a result of fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan than died in the attacks on September 11, 2001." -- JR Ford, Oct 2006.

"God bless our troops. Gawdamn Bush." -- JR Ford, May 2006.

"About 50% of the people in Viet Nam over the age of eleven smoke cigarettes; mostly American and French brands. Guess we won after all?" -- JR Ford, Jan 2006.

"It's the WAR, Stupid!" -- JR Ford, Oct 2006.

"It is fortunate for the government that the people do not think." -- Adolf Hitler, Mein Kamph.

"Terrorism is the best political weapon for nothing drives people harder than a fear of sudden death." -- Adolf Hitler.

"Why of course the people don't want war ... But after all it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliamentarian, a communist dictatorship ...
"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger." -- Hermann Goering.

"Fascism will come to this country, and it will come disguised as Americanism." -- Huey Long.

"Fascism should rather be called corporatism, as it is the merging of government and corporate power." -- Benito Mussolini.

"A war for profit can accomplish in weeks what may take a war of ideas centuries. It just leaves a bigger mess." -- JR Ford, Sept 2005.

"Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth." -- John F. Kennedy.

"I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in A, B, C, and D. Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?" -- Barry Goldwater, 1964.

"When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule." -- Neal Horsley, anti-abortion activist.

"Being REBORN is equivalent to pressing CONTROL-ALT-DELETE. Unfortunately, the virus is still there." -- JR Ford, Jan 2005.

"It is interesting to note so many who wrap themselves in an altar cloth and the flag have so little respect for the concepts those items symbolize." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"All too many Bush supporters think the multiplication table is where Jesus sat to hand out the loaves and fishes." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"If religion were true, its followers would not try to bludgeon their young into an artificial conformity; but would merely insist on their unbending quest for truth, irrespective of artificial backgrounds or practical consequences." -- H. P. Lovecraft.

"Evolution? Science? Nah! It's all a myth. Explain to your liberal friends that Darwin and Newton were guessing." -- JR Ford, Sep 2006.

"Wouldn't the world be more interesting if theories like evolution and gravity were inapplicable to those who disbelieve them? Certainly more fun!" -- JR Ford, Aug 2006.

"Don't be fooled. The true meaning of life and for the existence of mankind is to become fossil fuel." -- JR Ford, Nov 1995.

"I believe in God. In fact, I was talking to Him just the other day. Asked Him how Bush got elected president, twice. Know what He said? -- 'Fuck if I know!'" -- JR Ford, Dec 2004.

"Rest assured that the BA's fate in the infernal regions is to be boiled for all eternity in Iraqi crude." -- JR Ford, Aug 2006.

"God and religion are two completely different concepts. God exists by virtue of the fact that man believes in Him. Religion exists by virtue of the fact that man believes he knows better than God what is best for man." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"If anyone, anywhere, ever once considered the arrival of an anti-Christ, now would be the time to take another look in the back of the Bible." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"If, as the Bible says, "Money is the root of all evil," why do the Republicans have most of it? And why do churches keep begging for it?" -- JR Ford, Jan 2005.

"THI$ I$ YOUR GOD!" -- John Carpenter.

"Verily I say unto you, to criticize George W. Bush is proverbially:
`Whipping a dead horse's ass.'" -- JR Ford, Dec 2005.

"On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does." -- Will Rogers.

"The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking." -- Will Rogers.

"Cheney and Rove know that this battle is for all the marbles. If Democrats can't effectively repudiate the GOP's fear-mongering strategy of linking Iraq to national security, they can kiss 2006 -- and 2008 -- good-bye." -- Arianna Huffington.

"It won't be the war that defeats neo-conservatism in 2008. It will be $4.00 a gallon gasoline." -- JR Ford, Aug 2006.

"Once cheered as the Maraschino cherry atop a Christian conservative chocolate sundae, with his recent plummet in credibility and popularity, George W. Bush has become a tepid turd on a toothpick in middle America`s martini." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"As his poll numbers continue to dwindle, George W. Bush has become the urban housewife who, upon a whim, decides to have a one time affair with the mailman. Upon his departure, the housewife is unable to locate her wedding band. After turning her apartment upside down in vain in hopes of locating the ring, she is faced with the dilemma of disassembling the plumbing drains, dumpster diving, or calling the Post Office." -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"It is amazing how one individual can single handedly destroy one's pride in being an American." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"Nixon '08. One stiff Dick is as good as the next." -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"Shades of Nixon and his indelible, five o'clock shadow, only worse. At least Nixon drove in his own demolition derby. Who knows who is behind the wheel of this impending pileup?" -- JR Ford, Jan 2006.

"With a President named BUSH and a VP named DICK, who do you think wears the pants?" -- JR Ford, Dec 2001.

"If you hold George Bush up to your ear, you can hear the oil slick slapping on the contaminated beach." -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"Not long ago, Dick Cheney insisted that fossil fuel is still the primary source of energy in our future for decades to come. Anybody who really believes this is a fossil, and should have the drilling rights auctioned to open their aorta." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"To the Vice President, Dick, is not just a nickname, it's an attitude." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"Don't you just love it when George Bush starts waxing nostalgic? Kind of leaves you pining for Nixon, don't he?" -- JR Ford, Jun 2006

"Laura, honey. Whyn'tch'all set yo' cute lil red hedd'd seff right down' here'n dis here big ol' crock pot 'n' make yo'seff nahce'n comfy, whiles't Ah whip us up a big ol' batch'a dumpl'n's, Hon?" -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"I love Republicans. They taste like chicken!" -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"George W. Bush is a great and powerful leader, like a Greek hero. Even his mother admits he is the product of a Trojan casualty." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"To say one hates George W. Bush is equivalent to saying one hates Rainman or Forrest Gump. I don't like him, and I don't think he knows who's on first; but he is an excellent driver and he loves his Momma.

"Momma always said: `Life is like a barrel of apples. A body can be sour or be a sweet one. Dubyah, you have to choose whether you are gonna be de vinegar or decider.'" -- JR Ford, Forrest Bush.

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." -- Marcus Aurelius.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie - deliberate, contrived and dishonest - but the myth - persistent, persuasive and unrealistic." -- John F. Kennedy.

"There is no such ideal as the moral philosophy as Neo-Conservatism. It is but a perverse euphemism for the immoral discipline of Neo-Fascism." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"Let our patriotism be reflected in the creation of confidence in one another, rather than in crusades of suspicion. Let us prove we think our country great, by striving to make it greater." -- John F. Kennedy, 11-18-1961

"The prideful virtue of patriotism for it's own sake is, oftentimes, an alibi for the dastardly vice of fear of the unknown." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"The ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all." -- John F. Kennedy.

"Principle is OK up to a certain point, but principle doesn't do any good if you lose." -- Dick Cheney, White House Chief of Staff, 1976.

"If not for six inches of 64-gauge platinum wire, a watch battery, and a nominal amount of integrated micro-circuitry, Dick Cheney would be worm food." -- JR Ford, Dec 2005.

"Dick Cheney's penance in the Infernal Regions will most certainly entail burning breeches." -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"If the media would root around in Cheney's boxers a bit, they'd find all the dirt they are looking for." -- JR Ford, Aug 2000.

"Ever notice that Dick Cheney, Ken Mehlman, and Mary Matalin all talk out of the right side of their grimace?" -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"Cheney, Rove, Rumsfeld, and Rice: The Four Horse Apples of the Apocalypse." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"If you are going to catch a 400 pound Black Mamba, someone is going to have to crawl into the Aardvark Burrow after him." -- JR Ford, Mar 2005.

"Harry Truman said, 'The buck stops here.' George Bush palmed it." -- JR Ford, Jun 2005.

"A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad." -- Theodore Roosevelt.

"I'm the only person of distinction who has ever had a depression named for him." -- Herbert Hoover.

"When a man has failed at every endeavor he has undertaken in his life, except reproduction, and speaks English as if it were his second language, why should we expect any different when he is elected to high public office?" -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"I'm kind of stalling for time here... They told me what to say." -- George W Bush, Press Conference, 03-21-2006 10:00 EST.

"If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog." -- Harry Truman.

"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way." -- Mark Twain.

"Politics, like life, is a cycle. Make hay while you can; you'll just have to shovel out the barn later." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"I still have a hard time keeping Chertoff and Lugosi straight. Chertoff was the tall one with the bolts in his neck, right?" -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"It's a good thing tuna comes in those little cans. I can stack them inside the rolls and rolls of duct tape I've been hoarding!" -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"The only thing definitively Brown in the whole Katrina disaster was the seat of his briefs." -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"It is ridiculous to attempt to restrict the socioeconomic and climactic migration of man with an arbitrary line drawn in the sand." -- JR Ford, Sep 1994.

"Solution to illegal immigration: Deport Bush." -- JR Ford, May 2006.

"The less Bush does about healthcare, the faster socialized medicine will get here." -- JR Ford, Oct 2004.

"George H. W. Bush said in 1980 that Reaganomics was Voodoo economics. As we all know, history bears him out. Maybe that's why W plans to outsource healthcare for the poor to Haiti." -- JR Ford, Jul 2001.

"I worry little about Global Warming. The Earth has been here 4.5 billion years, doing well without our help. It can take care of itself. It's solution just may not include homo-sapiens." -- JR Ford, Aug 2005.

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators." -- Will Rogers.

"Arlen Specter demanding a hearing is like Lil' Debbie inviting you over for tea and pound cake. Keep your napkin in your lap. He always crumbles." -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"If Dr. Frist were my primary provider, I'd demand a second opinion." -- JR Ford, Aug 2006.

"There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators." -- Will Rogers.

“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.” -- Mark Twain.

"Somewhere between the fifth and seventh century BCE, Lao Tzu wrote: 'Trying to control the future is like trying to take the master carpenter's place. When you handle the master carpenter's tools, chances are that you'll cut your hand.' If the recent grumbling about investigations and finger pointing metastasizes into an out-and-out ulcer, we may see some arteries opened yet." -- JR Ford, Dec 2004.

"Clean sweep, Hell?! This country needs a Hoover!" -- JR Ford, Jan 2006.

"If Bush is doing such a good job on homeland security, why are only Republicans terrified?" -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"It's not just a vacation, it's an adventure." -- US-Iraqi Board of Tourism.

"TSR Hobbies of Wisconsin, the creators of `Dungeons & Dragons,' has announced the release of a new strategy board game called, `Operation Iraqi Freedom,' just in time for the Christmas shopping season. The game is being shipped with an insufficient number of pieces; strategy is determined randomly by a dice roll upon each player turn; the Rule Book is vague, self contradictory between subsequent chapters, and need not be followed; and no conditions for victory are defined--making `OIF' the first parlor game since Milton Bradley's 1926 release of `Monopoly' that can potentially be played ad-infinitum until one player possesses all of the assets, or until all participants are dead." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week." -- Will Rogers.

"The real problem in the Middle East is vice of choice. They don't drink alcohol and they don't eat pork. They eschew most pollutants to the body--all of the things we here in the West rely upon to chill out with. They do, however, drink coffee by the tanker load and smoke incessantly, when they can get them. If the US was worth it's salt, we'd clandestinely supplant all the imports of coffee and tobacco with decaf and nicotine-free, clove cigarettes." -- JR Ford, March 2003.

"Les permettre de manger du gâteau jaune." -- Déficit de Madame du Hapsburg-Lorraine, Marie Antoinette.

"Iraq: Blood for Votes." -- JR Ford, Oct 2006.

"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail." -- Will Rogers.

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican." -- Dan Quayle.

"One can only wonder how long moderate Republicans will tolerate Larry Fine and the Howard brothers riding their elephant at the head of the circus parade." -- JR Ford, Jul 2005.

"They say the president's dead, no one can find his head, it's been missin' now for weeks. But no one noticed it, he had seemed so fit. I'm sick of it. Bye, bye, bye." -- Lou Reed.

"The difference between Democrats and Republicans: When a Democratic president leaves office, his staff and cabinet members become lobbyists. When a Republican president leaves office, they become inmates." -- JR Ford. Nov 2000.

"If a Bush-alike president is elected in 2008, no doubt the inaugural parade will be marched in goose step with missiles and howitzers in tow." -- JR Ford, Dec 2004.

"The problem with Republican voters is that they prefer a candidate who feeds them platitudes and inane generalized slogans and demonization of the Democrats. They don't care what the guy does, as long as he says what they want to hear." -- JR Ford, Nov 2000.

"Although it inherently retains all the flexibility, malleability, and stretch-ability of Silly Putty, a Texas Cowpie is still a turd." -- JR Ford, Nov 2005.

"George W. Bush will go down in history as the 2nd best president in history, right after Millard Fillmore, the 13th President, whose GREATEST achievement was to install a CRAPPER in the White House." -- JR Ford, Oct 2004.

"Don't you just love it when George Bush starts waxing nostalgic? Kind of leaves you pining for Nixon, don't he?" -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"If you hold George Bush up to your ear, you can hear the oil slick slapping on the contaminated beach." -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"Not long ago, Dick Cheney that insisted fossil fuel is still the primary source of energy in our future for decades to come. Anybody who really believes this is a fossil, and should have the drilling rights auctioned to open their aorta." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"To the Vice President, Dick, is not just a nickname, it's an attitude." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"Laura, honey. Whyn'tch'all set yo' cute lil red hedd'd seff right down' here'n dis here big ol' crock pot 'n' make yo'seff nahce'n comfy, whiles't Ah whip us up a big ol' batch'a dumpl'n's, Hon?" -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"I love Republicans. They taste like chicken!" -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in." -- Will Rogers.

"Those presidents who left office with a negative legacy--U.S. Grant for his drinking, Herbert Hoover for the Crash of 1929, Richard Nixon for Watergate--have all had at least one redeeming factor left on their behalf which most people have to try to remember--Grant for his drinking, Hoover for the Dam, and 'Only Nixon could go to China.'

"George W. Bush, too, will leave office as one of those historical punch lines. His one redeeming factor will be the initiation of the word 'NUCULAR' into the Oxford-English dictionary. Quite an achievement considering the last un-word that became one due to chronic, over-misuse by an American was, 'DOH!'" -- JR Ford, Jun 2005.

"Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it." -- Will Rogers.

"That lost CD? You know the one with the 26 million veterans and 2 million active duty personnel's names and personal records? It wasn't lost. It was misfiled between Debbie does Dallas and Dubyah does DC." -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?" -- Will Rogers.

"As much as the Republican party hates trial lawyers, they sure are giving them plenty of practice." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"The FBI says our Nation's Capitol has the highest crime rate in the country; and that doesn't even count the White House." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"Psychiatric statistics indicate that one person in seven is either unconscionable, sociopathic, and/or born into crime and/or moral poverty. This percentage seems to hold true for Congress, more or less." -- JR Ford, May 2006.

"Voters quickly forget what a man says." -- Richard M. Nixon.

"The only time the Bush administration makes an assertive statement or responds to a question with a concrete answer is when they are lying." -- JR Ford, Apr 2006.

"Does this administration ever tell the truth? Jeez-hus Keee-riest! They probably even lie in their prayers." -- JR Ford, Jan 2006.

"Ever notice that `Dick Cheney' is a complete sentence?" -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"May the Vice President slam his Christian nickname in the tailgate of his Hummer." -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"I`d like to propose renaming the White House to the Krusty Krab, at least until SpongeBob and Squidward surrender occupancy." -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"You can build a suicide car bomb by locking Dick Cheney in a Hummer with a Reuben sandwich and a Zippo." -- JR Ford, Nov 2005.

"Abort Bush, deport Bush, wrap him in a burning flag, let your sister marry his daughter, scrape the little yellow ribbon decal off his rear window with an X-Acto... What-fucking-ever!" -- JR Ford, Aug 2006.

"Cooperation must be agreed upon, or it will forced upon us." -- JR Ford, Nov 2005.

"One cannot intelligently contradict an adversary unless you know how they think--or how they don`t." -- JR Ford, Nov 2005.

"The Founding Fathers knew a government can't control the economy without controlling people. And they knew when a government sets out to do that, it must use force and coercion to achieve its purpose. So we have come to a time for choosing." -- Ronald Reagan, October 27, 1964.

"Oftentimes, thinking people who ascend to affluence descend to Republican." -- JR Ford, Oct 2000.

"The internet is the opiate of the 21st Century. What you hear and read is best viewed through rose colored glasses." -- JR Ford, Nov 2005.

"The American people should be made aware of the trend toward monopolization of the great public information vehicles and the concentration of more and more power over public opinion in fewer and fewer hands." -- Spiro T. Agnew.

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what can you believe?!" -- Bullwinkle J. Moose.

"All animals are equal. Some animals are more equal." -- George Orwell, Animal Farm.

"All I remember of my wedding day in 1967 is that the Cubs lost a double header." -- George F. Will.

"So remember: When you vote Democratic, you're saying NO to mindless patriotism." -- AnnCoulter.com, Aug 2006.

"The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them." -- Rush Limbaugh.

"Jeez-hus Kee-riest! The line for Limbaughtomies is longer than the one for funnel-cakes!" -- JR Ford, Jan 2005.

"FOX, the most powerful name in news--in decibels anyway." -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"Dissent is the highest form of patriotism." -- Thomas Jefferson.

"One person can make a difference and every person should try." -- John F. Kennedy.

"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them. " -- Mark Twain.

"What will we do after we tear down the establishment? Groove on the rubble for while." -- Jerry Rubin.

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." -- Theodore Roosevelt

"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell someone you are, you aren't." -- Margaret Thatcher.

"When you are going to a gunfight, take all of your guns." -- Colin Powell, 1991.

"Buy Guns and Vote. They may be our only freedoms left." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them." -- Jimmy Hoffa.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
Daily Kos: "That's All I Can Stands, I Can't Stands No More; and Avoid Spinach" -- Popeye the Sailor

"I was born during the Cold War. To me, crossing the line means above the 38th parallel." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation." -- George Bernard Shaw.

Paging Mr. Fooley!

2006-10-06T02:12:00.000-04:00

The Unsubstantiated Press (UP) today released a copy of yet another instant message found on the Gay-Old-Perv.org internet server involving chat between disgraced congressman Mark Foley and a former 16 year old congressional page. AOL/AIM logs all instant messages, chats, and emails and freely shares log data with the Department of Justice, the FBI, the NSA, the Department of Homeland Security, and Dick Wolf, the producer of Law and Order, SVU.

Xxxxxxxxx (1:44:14 PM): hay... what you doing?
Maf54 (1:45:19 PM): what you think?
Xxxxxxxxx (1:45:49 PM): lol
Xxxxxxxxx (1:46:11 PM): can only imagine
Xxxxxxxxx (1:46:39 PM): in your office?
Maf54 (1:47:14 PM): yeah.... private
Maf54 (1:47:14 PM): cant chat long
Maf54 (1:47:24 PM): supposed to be on the floor to talk about the terri schaivo thing in a few mins
Maf54 (1:47:38 PM): gonna stop those liberal deviants from pulling the plug on her
Xxxxxxxxx (1:48:19 PM): terri schaivo whos that?
Maf54 (1:48:34 PM): some half dead fish in clearwater hospital
Xxxxxxxxx (1:49:09 PM): lol
Maf54 (1:49:31 PM): keep talkin
Maf54 (1:49:54 PM): ive got wood
Xxxxxxxxx (1:50:19 PM): lookin forward to hangin out together
Xxxxxxxxx (1:50:31 PM): lol
Maf54 (1:51:12 PM): yeah... sure will be a good time
Maf54 (1:51:27 PM): make you horny?
Xxxxxxxxx (1:52:01 PM): kinda... thinkin bout it...
Maf54 (1:52:27 PM): just got PAGED.... lol.... gotta go soon
Xxxxxxxxx (1:52:41 PM): you gonna make it?
Maf54 (1:51:27 PM): oh yeah ... mission accomplished!!!
Xxxxxxxxx (1:52:11 PM): lol
Xxxxxxxxx (1:52:21 PM): cool
Maf54 (1:53:14 PM): __________damn_____spacebar_______ is____sticking_____________again______
Maf54 signed off at 1:53:43 PM.

The 52 year old, single and never married Foley, a former six-term Republican congressman from an eight county district in central Florida, which is the heartland of religious conservatives and home of the largest pornography industry in the US, resigned from office Friday and immediately checked into an alcoholism rehab center. His attorney and de facto spokesperson has since convincingly revealed that Foley is "absolutely, positively not a pedophile;" and that the source of Foley's picadillos were resultant from his alcohol addiction, the fact that he was molested by a yet to be named clergyman between the ages of 13 and 17, that Foley is a lifelong homosexual, and that Foley is known to have checked out Midnight Cowboy from Blockbuster over 1100 times.

Political pundit, author of Rome Wasn't Burnt in a Day, and former Republican Florida Congressman Joe Scarborough declared he has known Foley since 1994, and knew Foley was gay the first time he met him. On July 20, 2001, Lori Klausutis, one of Scarborough's aides, died after hitting her head on a desk when she fainted while alone in Scarborough's Fort Walton Beach, Florida office. Although no foul play was suspected, Scarborough resigned his seat in Congress on September 6, 2001, claiming he wished to spend more time with his family in Florida. He currently resides in New York City.

Three other pages have come forth alleging they had exchanged creepy instant messages with Foley, one saying he had a nickname: FFF, for Florida Fag Foley. The Washington Post reported they had received communication from a former House page in 1995 further attesting to Foley's inappropriate innuendos and behavior.

The Republican controlled House Ethics Committee handed out four dozen subpoenas today, but would not confirm they would conclude or release any findings before November 7.

Meanwhile, House Speaker Dennis Hastert has repeatedly denied any recollection of three separate incidents described by Majority Leader John Boehner, RCCC Chairman Tom Reynolds, and Foley's former chief of staff, who claim they reported peculiar behavior by Foley two months, six months, and three years ago, respectively.

John Laesch, an Iraq war veteran and the Democratic challenger to Speaker Hastert for his House seat in Illinois, has quoted Hastert's own book poignantly titled: Congress for Dummies, from page 186 saying, "[H]e says that he listens to everything, and, you know, he knows everything that is going on. Use his words. Apparently he forgot, but on page 186 of his book, he says he listens to everything and he remembers everything."

At a press conference outside of his Illinois office today, Hastert backhandedly accepted responsibility for failing to deal with the alleged elected child predator, yet insisted he will not resign from his position as Speaker, despite calls from several conservative Republican lawmakers and newsmakers, and by an editorial in the conservative Washington Times newspaper.

Instead, Hastert alleged the entire scandal was fomented by, and is to the benefit of the Democratic Party, due to a conspiracy fostered by ABC News, the Democratic Party, billionaire George Soros, Bill Clinton, Michael Moore, Jesse Jackson, former congressman and head of the NAACP Kwase Imfume, the adult living decendants of Martin Luther King, Jr., the three surviving members of the 1968 Chicago Seven, musicians Bono and Yoko Ono, actors Barbra Streisand, Martin Short and Martin Sheen, Phil Donahue, wide receiver Terrell Owens, former third baseman Pete Rose, satirist Al Fraken, journalist Bill Moyers, the purple Teletubbie, and the producers of the film Jackass2.

Despite vehement condemnation by most conservative pundits and activists, including Kate O'Beirne and Bay Buchanan, former presidential candidate Pat Buchanan declipsed himself from the dark side of the Moon to further add to the left wing conspiracy theory claiming Democratic House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senator Hillary Clinton had marched in a gay pride parade alongside members of the underground organization NAMBLA, the North American Man Boy Love Association.

Today is October 6, 2006. There are 32 days until the November 7th mid-term election, and 838 days remaining until the legal expiration of George W. Bush's term.

Gawdhelpuzawl,

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
forty-two

"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" -- Will Rogers.

"I take exception to all name calling," you idiot. -- Lou Dobbs

2006-09-25T15:57:00.000-04:00

Dear Lou,

I have been a regular viewer for over a decade, dating back to Moneyline. Oftentimes we differ, but I have consistently respected your comments and opinions, and your dedication to fair reporting and to exposing injustice whereever you find it. But I have no compunction about calling your bluff on this one. I hope you take the time to read what I have to say.

I watched your program Lou Dobbs - 22 September 2006, and the report and commentary regarding Hugo Chavez's public remarks in New York. During the broadcast you made two conflicting statements which demonstrate that we are a nation victimized by ignorance resultant from media sound bites predigested for the short attention span appetite; media included.

In one statement you rejected uncivil discourse with the sentence: "I take exception to all name calling." Yet on five occasions you engaged in it, to wit:

Don't feel ashamed ever to be Hispanic because of the actions
of this idiot... they are idiots out there doing all sorts of nonsense...
I really think in 2006 and I really fervently believe this, I think we have come a long way from listening to some idiot from Venezuela, who is a certified, card carrying idiot, have any reflection on anybody in this country except for those people who showed up to, you know, hold hands with him, like Danny Grover (sic) and a few of the other jerks.

In the interest of retention of the moral high ground and in me as a card-carrying viewer, please continue, as you have for so many years, to rise above trivializing yourself with such indignities.

Chavez's public remarks in New York, although distasteful to many, threatened no one and are protected by virtue of the fact he was standing upon U.S. soil when he made them. It is this protection that makes us what we are--or are supposed to be-- as a nation: the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. And the fact is that George W. Bush is a self confessed--yet untreated--alcoholic, who is known to have a bad temper.

Further, I ask you to consider some of Chavez's words in his address to the his Remarks by President Hugo Chavez at United Nations:

What type of democracy do you impose with marines and bombs?...

The imperialists see extremists everywhere. It’s not that we are extremists. It’s that the world is waking up. It’s waking up all over. And people are standing up...

Yes, you can call us extremists, but we are rising up against the empire, against the model of domination...

Yesterday, the secretary general practically gave us his speech of farewell. And he recognized that over the last 10 years, things have just gotten more complicated; hunger, poverty, violence, human rights violations have just worsened.

Lou, are these the words of an idiot, of a jerk? Frankly, I can easily imagine these pleas superimposed among similar words of our own forefathers during the Second Continental Congress' debate over independence.

Wasn't it Benjamin Franklin who said something about: 'A Rebel,' when referred to in the third person is a traitor, yet in the first person is a Patriot?

Chavez's ego notwithstanding, he is right about one thing. The U.S. is becoming increasingly unpopular around the world, primarily for one reason: George W. Bush. His policies and rhetoric taste of tyranny at home and abroad.

Finally, like you, there is a lot to like about Charlie Rangel. When Cong. Rangel Condemns Chavez's Attack On Bush, he is not without support.

George Bush is the President of the United States and represents the entire country. Any demeaning public attack against him is viewed by Republicans and Democrats, and all Americans, as an attack on all of us.

But as one of all Americans, I do not feel attacked or threatened; moreover ashamed of what this President and his administration have done to foster such hostility from the rest of the world towards all of us as a free nation and as democratic people.

You should too, Lou.

Sincerely,
JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com

"There is no such ideal as the moral philosophy as Neo-Conservatism. It is but a perverse euphemism for the immoral discipline of Neo-Fascism." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

BushCheneyCo is Fleecing the Federal Treasury and Risking American Lives for Profit

2006-09-20T22:07:00.000-04:00

"Once you get to Baghdad, it's not clear what you do with it. It's not clear what kind of government you put in place of the one that's currently there now. Is it going to be a Shia regime, a Sunni regime, a Kurdish regime? Or one that tilts toward the Baathists, or one that tilts toward Islamic fundamentalists? How much credibility is that going to have if it's set up by the American military there? How long does the United States military have to stay there to protect the people that sign on for that government, and what happens once we leave?" -- Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney, 1991.

TPMmuckraker September 18, 2006 02:10 PM
Halliburton to Wounded Employee: You'll Get a Medal -- If You Don't
Sue - By Justin Rood - September 18, 2006, 2:10 PM
Halliburton will help its combat-zone employees get the honors and recognition they deserve -- if they promise not to sue the company. That's according to new documents released today by Senate Democrats.
Ray Stannard was a truck driver in Iraq for Halliburton subsidiary Kellogg Brown and Root. In 2003, he was part of a fuel convoy that was ambushed by insurgents. Seven Americans died in the attack and 26 were injured, including Stannard. He is suing the company.

"The streets in Basra and Baghdad are sure to erupt in joy in the same way the throngs in Kabul greeted the Americans." -- Vice President Dick Cheney, August 2002.

On Monday, I watched on CSPAN the Democrats-only hearing (because no Republican committee chairman will hold any) which was the source of the documents referred to above. One of the witnessess was another former truck driver for KBR who had driven the same road earlier that same day. He claims he specifically advised the KBR contactor--prior to departure of the convoy that was attacked later when seven drivers were killed and driver Ray Stannard was wounded--not to send any more trucks on that road, that somebody would get killed.

An attorney for one of the plaintiffs said there are currently over 50 civil suits alleging fraud, overcharging and other malfeasence pertaining to KBR, yet the Justice Dept. has not filed a single charge. Justice has instead undertaken investigations, thus sealing all evidence the plaintiffs are seeking. Sealed evidence in cases pertinent to investigations is supposed to be unsealed after 60 days. Apparently, Justice has sought and received numerous extensions, effectively witholding the requested evidence for upwards to 2 years. (Read: Alberto Gonzales, Attorney General at: Barnum & Bushly Circus.)

Further, the attorney said KBR claims it is not subject to civil suit in as much as it is sovereign, meaning KBR is an entity of the Department of Defense, ergo, the United States government. He stated that KBR representatives in Houston have said that they have "friends in high places," which they allege substantiates their claim of sovereignty. Wonder who they could be?

However, the private, cost-plus contract for fuel transportation awarded--no bid---to KBR was subcontracted through one of their subsidiaries in the Cayman Islands, a tax haven country. Thus, Halliburton/KBR is not only attempting to avoid prosecution with their claim of sovereignty, they are avoiding taxes on revenue earned from the contract.

A former Democratic House member on the same panel said he had asked the White House two years ago to see the contract, but never did. Why? Because the White House stonewalled.

In another Democrats-only hearing on CSPAN regarding congressional oversight, one witness was Clark Kent Irving, a former Bush recess appointee, who later was not confirmed because Democrat Joe Liebermann and one of the lady 'Publican senators from Maine blocked him. Irving said, along with others, that in all areas oversight by congress of the executive branch is virtually non-existant. Another witness whose name was Denis McDonough, or something like that, said quote: "(Congressional) oversight of intelligence is fundamentally broken."

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Other witnesses testified that KBR administrators considered requests for services from troops to be an annoyance, yet overtly bragged about enoromous profits being made in Iraq. KBR (a.k.a. BushCheneyCo) is blatantly fleecing the Federal treasury as their own personal cash cow, and and knowingly risking American lives purely for profit, and nobody does anything about it. Hopefully, Senators Dorgan and Durbin will continue to attempt to lasso them dogies, and skin 'em alive.

Strangely enough, on Tuesday, Dorgan and Durbin both spoke on the floor complaining about lack of oversight of fraud and profiteering by the do-nothing Republican congress. Afterwards, some red state Republican, I think the junior from Montana, got up to speak, ostensibly about progress in the area of border protection and illegal immigration (i.e. the War on Mexican Citizens), but pre-empted himself to respond to Dorgan and Durbin, and defend the Republican Congress claiming every piece of legislation they try to pass is filibustered by the Democrats. I'm still scratching my head as to how filibustering a bill on the floor of the Senate equates to not holding committee hearings to determine if our tax dollars are being spent as intended.

But where have I heard this story before? Oh yeah, 18 months ago!

Lopez Hodes Files Lawsuit Against KBR Halliburton for Wrongful Death of Contract Employee in Fuel Convoy Massacre
Newport Beach, CA—March 28, 2005—In the first of several lawsuits arising out of Halliburton's civilian-driven truck convoy of April 9, 2004 in Iraq, during which driver Tommy Hamill was taken hostage and six other drivers were killed by enemy insurgents, plaintiff in a California civil action entitled April Johnson, as the surviving daughter of decedent truck driver Tony Johnson vs. Halliburton and its subsidiary Kellogg Brown & Root, et al., alleges that Halliburton/KBR deployed its civilian truck drivers into a hostile active war zone despite knowledge from intelligence sources that there existed a substantial certainty the civilian drivers, moving in U.S. military vehicles, would be ambushed by Iraqi insurgents and killed or seriously injured. The drivers were following orders from Halliburton to deliver fuel to Baghdad International Airport ("BIAP").

According to the lawsuit, Halliburton intentionally sent the convoy as an enemy "decoy," in U.S. military camouflage vehicles, to ensure the safe arrival and delivery of a second H-KBR fuel convoy. As stated in earlier news reports, the lawsuit alleges that the doomed convoy was deployed for the sole purpose of KBR fulfilling its quotas of daily fuel deliveries, apparently specified under its U.S. government contract, without regard for the lives, safety, and well-being of its unarmed civilian employees.

The civil action filed on behalf of April Johnson, by the California-based Newport Beach law firm of Lopez, Hodes, Restaino, Milman & Skikos, alleges that Halliburton ordered the convoy in which Johnson was a driver, to take what was later discovered by the drivers to be a longer and extremely dangerous route to the airport's North Gate, along a highway that had been designated by both U. S. Military Forces and Halliburton/KBR's Central Command as a "black" zone – actively engaged in enemy attacks and military combat. Halliburton knew when it deployed its civilian drivers that that portion of the highway was to be avoided at all costs, especially by unarmed civilians driving U.S. military tankers. While Johnson's convoy was ordered to drive military camouflaged vehicles, ensuring the convoy would appear as a U.S. military operation and an enemy target, another KBR fuel delivery convoy simultaneously deployed to BIAP, was provided with European made Volvo and Mercedes civilian vehicles. This second convoy was directed to embark upon a shorter, more direct route and arrived at BIAP safely and without incident.

Halliburton knowingly failed to inform the drivers in Hamill's convoy before their departure of the "Black" status alert and instead informed the drivers that the road conditions were at a low "amber" status. Prior to being sent to Iraq, Halliburton assured the civilian drivers that they would not be driving "military-type " vehicles to transport fuel or supplies, as it was known that there existed a high level of insurgent hostility toward the U.S. military presence in Iraq.

In Houston, Texas, December 2003, Halliburton, KBR, and Service Employee's International, Inc. ("SEII") (Halliburton's Cayman Island subsidiary) recruited civilian employees from the U.S. to work in Iraq under assurances that the civilian workers would be placed in "100% safe" working conditions and engaged in peaceful rebuilding missions...

Receiving nothing more than hardhat helmets, bulky bulletproof vests, and outdated radio equipment, the unarmed civilian drivers, led by Tommy Hamill, unaware that their employer had planned and intended their tragic fate, boarded their unarmored, U.S. military camouflage-painted tankers, and departed to the airport along a route known by their employer and the U.S. military to be the location of constant enemy attacks...

To borrow an expression from Boll Weevil Jesse Helms: Gawd-a'mitey-dam! It only took 18 months to get to Capitol Hill.

After November, I don't care if a single piece of legislation is passed or rescinded for the next two years. We need to start taking back our government, and there needs to be a snowstorm of subpoenas and an inundation of investigations to do so.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com

"If you are going to catch a 400 pound Black Mamba, someone is going to have to crawl into the Aardvark Burrow after him." -- JR Ford, Mar 2005.

Keith Olbermann - The one courageous voice that echos that the emperor has no clothes.

2006-09-12T21:34:00.000-04:00

Dear Keith,

Over the past two years I have watched Countdown with more regularity than any television program since SOAP. Each evening your acumen and tongue-in-cheek incisiveness are both informative and entertaining. As an interviewer you are fair and balanced, and Countdown's guests are usually representative of a cross section of opinion and unusually well informed. I admit I also have little or no interest in celebrity news, and simultaneously shake my head and chuckle over every episode of Worst Person in the World. No doubt these, as well as your personality and obvious character, have contributed to Countdown's uninterrupted climb in ratings since it's debut.

Last week, however, I questioned whether your personal address to Secretary Rumsfeld, albeit in every word truthful, may have been the blow that broke the belay of the chip on the bully's shoulder that might force a) GE/MSNBC to leave you dangling at the end of a precariously brittle limb or, b) a Ziegler-esque assault from the press room podium at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

"But among the crowds a little child suddenly gasped out, 'But he hasn't got anything on.' And the people began to whisper to one another what the child had said. 'He hasn't got anything on.' 'There's a little child saying he hasn't got anything on.' Till everyone was saying, 'But he hasn't got anything on.'"
-- Hans Christian Andersen.

After last evening it is glaringly obvious that yours is the one courageous voice that echos that the emperor has no clothes. After five years, there is absolutely nothing left to support a call for a network to retract with an apoplectic apology or for an apathetic administration to foment rage with, as Ben Bradley once coined, "a non-denial denial."

Your 9/11 commentary was Pulitzer prose. Your address to the President, in my opinion, ranks right up there with seeing Cronkite stand up and step out from behind the CBS news desk in 1968 to declare Viet Nam a stalemate. And both of us are too young to have witnessed it live, although I have read it in it's entirety, but your words were of the caliber and awe as those you cited last week, from Edward R. Murrow's fearless commentary.

Further, my own take on your nightly use of "Good night and good luck," has been that it is out of your personal respect and ennui for Murrow and his ethic, stemming from your own dignity and belief in the rights and responsibilities set forth in the Bill of Rights. Regardless of your motive, please continue the habit. I think Ed Murrow would be proud.

As I have emailed you a few times in the past I am aware that you may never read, much less respond to, this one. Nevertheless, as you go forward, I am compelled to emphasize John Dean's phrase: "Without Conscience." My Machiavellian paranoia recalls the names of Jimmy Hoffa, Dennis Cassini, Barry Seal, Daniel Ellsberg, and Vincent Foster; and causes me to shudder at the names of Murray Chotiner, Mac Wallace, Haroldson L. Hunt, Clint Murchison, Gordon Liddy, and, of course, Karl Rove.

This I believe,

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
12 Sep 2006

"As for Nixon... he was an unprincipled puppet, which is the most dangerous kind." -- Nikita Khrushchev.

Cc: KOlbermann@msnbc.com
countdown@msnbc.com
AStewart@msnbc.com

High Gas Prices? - It's the environmentalists' fault!

2006-08-15T14:37:00.000-04:00

Inflation Adjusted Gasoline Prices Near All Time Highs - 20 July 2006
Gee! How'd that happen? Silly consumer! It's the environmentalists' fault!

PETROLEUM CHRONOLOGY OF EVENTS 1970 - 2000

Energy Information Administration, EI 30
1000 Independence Avenue, SW
Washington, DC 20585
phone: 202-586-8800
email: infoctr@eia.doe.gov

Consolidation, Concentration and Restructuring 1995 - 2000

Description:
The impact of environmental compliance costs on U.S. refining, increased capital expenditures in response to the requirements of the Clean Air Act Amendments of 1990, modest growth in product demand and volatile crude oil prices caused a wave of joint ventures, mergers, and restructuring of the U.S. petroleum industry during the latter part of the 1990's. These actions were in response to cost cutting measures by some petroleum companies to reverse the downward trend in U.S. petroleum industry profitability experienced throughout most of the 1990's.

The Impact of Environmental Compliance Costs on U.S. Refining Profitability
"The profitability of U.S. refining operations in the 1990's has been low and generally declining."

Industry Action/Reaction:
Joint ventures was one of the options used by some the major U.S. petroleum companies to consolidate their downstream petroleum operations. Joint ventures provide an easier way for companies to reduce costs by sharing assets and operations without some of the problems of a full-scale merger of the two companies involved. In addition to forming downstream joint ventures and alliances in the United States, some companies even formed alliances with foreign companies abroad.

The U.S. Petroleum Refining and Gasoline Marketing Industry
"The U.S. refining and marketing industry has been characterized by unusually low product margins, low profitability, selective retrenchment, and substantial restructuring throughout the decade of the 1990's... In total, the U.S. majors' refined product margin increased by almost 70 percent between 1996 and 1997."

Mergers provided another popular option for U.S. petroleum companies to dramatically reduce operating costs without sacrificing profits. Although merging two companies had to overcome many obstacles, this option provided the benefits of combining the stronger elements of two companies into a single company that would be better able to compete in both the U.S. and in foreign markets.

Restructuring of motor gasoline marketing was transformed during the 1990's from the traditional service station format of the 1950's and 1960's, to a mega service station format that often combined a convenience store with a fast food outlet, such as McDonalds, Dairy Queen, and Subway sandwich shops.

Restructuring: The Changing Face of Motor Gasoline Marketing
"...motor gasoline is the most widely consumed petroleum product of U.S. households..."

Results:
Some integrated refiners sold or acquired assets to reduce their operating costs by refocusing their efforts on those regions of the country in which they had significant market shares. By the end of the 1990's, some integrated refiners operated in far fewer parts of the country, which limited their marketing operations to more regional territories. During this same time, some non-integrated refiners were moving in essentially the opposite direction and expanding their focus from regional markets to more national markets by acquiring the retail outlets and refineries from the integrated petroleum companies.

The role of mergers and acquisitions dramatically changed the composition of the U.S. major energy companies during the 1990's. The number of major U.S. energy companies dropped from 19 in 1990 to 10 in 2000. With the 2001 merger between Chevron and Texaco, the number of major U.S. energy companies was reduced to less than half of those operating in 1990. Notably, the merger between Exxon and Mobil created the worlds largest publicly traded energy company.

During the 1990's, 47 U.S. petroleum refiners were shutdown while total crude distillation capacity during this same period rose by about 6 percent. Between 1990 and 2000, the number of retail service stations fell from 210,120 to 175,941, a 16 percent drop. But this same period saw retail gasoline sales increase by 7 percent. The increase in sales was achieved through using the remaining outlets more intensely, as indicated by the growing number of mega service stations that replaced the smaller more traditional services during this period.

9/30/2000
US Debt Liability: $20 trillion (www.gao.gov)
Gasoline PPG: $1.42
US dead - terrorism: 0
US dead - KIA: 0

NOW
US Debt Liability: $47 trillion (www.gao.gov)
Gasoline PPG: $3.03 (113% increase in 6 years)
US dead - terrorism: 2,996
US dead - KIA: 2,601 (plus an average rate of 5 per day)

Halliburton Stock Price 03/19/2003: $10 per share
(One day before the invasion of Iraq)
Halliburton Stock Price NOW: $33 per share
(Halliburton shares split on 7/17/2006)
Dick Cheney's approximate net worth 12/31/2005: $92 million

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com

"Well, Duh... Byah!" -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

The NORAD Tapes

2006-08-04T03:19:00.000-04:00

VANITY FAIR : The NORAD Tapes

"The real story is actually better than the one we told," a NORAD general admitted to 9/11-commission staffers when confronted with evidence from the tapes that contradicted his original testimony. And so it seems.
[...]
At 8:14 a.m., as an Egyptian and four Saudis commandeered the cockpit on American 11, the plane that would hit the north tower of the World Trade Center, only a handful of troops were on the NEADS "ops" floor.

The tapes...

[...]
08:37:08
O.K., a couch, an ottoman, a love seat, and what else … ? Was it on sale … ? Holy smokes! What color is it?
08:37:52
BOSTON CENTER: Hi. Boston Center T.M.U. [Traffic Management Unit], we have a problem here. We have a hijacked aircraft headed towards New York, and we need you guys to, we need someone to scramble some F-16s or something up there, help us out.
POWELL: Is this real-world or exercise?
BOSTON CENTER: No, this is not an exercise, not a test.

At this point, someone at NEADS apparently switched the from the shopping channel to CNN.

[...]
08:51:11
ROUNTREE: A plane just hit the World Trade Center.
WATSON: What?
ROUNTREE: Was it a 737?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE (background): Hit what?
WATSON: The World Trade Center—
DOOLEY: Who are you talking to? [Gasps.]
WATSON: Oh!
DOOLEY: Get—pass—pass it to them—
WATSON: Oh my God. Oh God. Oh my God.
ROUNTREE: Saw it on the news. It's—a plane just crashed into the World Trade Center.
DOOLEY: Update New York! See if they lost altitude on that plane altogether.

So the President, the Vice President, the Secretary of Defense, the Pentagon, the U.S. Air Force, NORAD, the Attorney General of the U.S., the FAA and the Department of Transportation all lied about 9/11?

Donald Rumsfeld's Actions on 9/11
The Bush Administration's Top 40 Lies about War and Terrorism

Nah. Didn't happen.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com

"One day soon, it will not be difficult for anyone to decide which was the greater disaster: 9/11 or this administration." -- JR Ford, Aug 2006.

The Case for Soylent - An Inconvenient Sleuth

2006-07-31T23:30:00.000-04:00

In contrast to the smattering of those adamantly ignorant to the inevitable consequences of our Earth's atmosphere having a 33% higher composition of carbon dioxide than at any time in the past half billion years; and despite former next-president Al Gore's idealistic optimism that we can retard or reverse, within in the next critical decade, the geometrically incremental effects that have occurred since the proliferation of the steam engine; it is time to deduce for ourselves and recognize what the likely outcome of our behavior, as bipedal mammals, will be.

The real inconvenient truth is that: until a foreboding omen becomes catastrophic truth, human beings--whether in Congress, Kyoto, or on a street corner--do not act on behalf of their own, long term benefit. Come to grips with the fact that the planet will become less livable and lovable in our lifetime.

Within 30 years, there will be rolling blackouts of the electrical grid that last for days or weeks, not minutes or hours. People who are not able to report to work on foot or by bicycle will become under or unemployed. Burgeoning supermarket shelves will become a thing of the past. Food shortages and riots will become commonplace. Grain supplies will be sporadic, meat of any kind almost nonexistent, and seafood extinct.

As world population grows from 6 to 9 billion while resources dwindle and disappear, life prolonging medicines--all of which are dependent upon living organisms and biochemistry--will become scarce, at best. Abortion, now a bane for most--pro or anti-choice--will become a gristly necessity to many. Suicide will become ignored, if not sponsored. Man's average life span will be foreshortened by decades.

Commercial air travel will virtually disappear; only the one percent or fewer billion-trillionaires, and the very few, very connected will fly. Arable land, and clean water and air, which we now take for granted, will become packaged luxuries. Public water supplies will be stingily rationed to all but those who can afford to install and operate their own energy demanding desalinization-filtration and storage facilities. Breadbaskets like the American midwest will become dusty human reservations, refuges of the undernourished. Urban areas, mostly coastal today, will become sargassos of salvage.

The Arctic ice cap and Oceanic islands will melt and drown. Ocean waves will break upon North American coastlines at the foothills of the Appalachians, the Smokeys and the High Sierras. Pockets of neo-aboriginal communities of people from formerly civilized nations and communities will spawn in the Earth's remotest locations, like the Yukon, the Himalayas and Antarctica. Gangland and tribal mentality, and cannibalism will spread. Regional feuds will break out over possession of a half an acre of dry grass, a glade of scraggly fir trees, or a scummy green pond.

Prognostication has become a non sequiter. Nostradomus and the Book of Revelations are obsolete. Our future arrives with the swiftness with which we sentients fail, or choose not, to see and deal with it.

Have faith, Pilgrim. Procrastinate now. You may not get another chance.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com

"We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind in the history of the world--or to make it the last." -- John F. Kennedy.
"It is not too strong a statement to declare that this is the way civilizations begin to die. None of us has the right to suppose it cannot happen here." -- Richard M. Nixon.
"The Earth has been here 4.5 billion years, doing well without our help. It can take care of itself. It’s solution just may not include homo-sapiens." -- JR Ford, Aug 2005.

Forrest Bush

2006-07-02T02:19:00.000-04:00

In a NY Times OP-ED piece on May 17, 2006, entitled, "Saying No To Bush's Yes Men," Thomas Friedman asked the question: "How could there still be 29 percent of the people who approve of this presidency?"

Good question. I'm not here to answer it, but to pose an alternative question: "How could any intelligent person truly hate George W. Bush?"

That is not to say I approve of his policies--any of them--the man, his character or apparent lack thereof, his philosophy of government, or his attempt to fill the role of president as a D-list understudy. To be sure, only two of the promises made in his 2000 and 2004 election campaigns have come to pass. If not for the War of Terrorism, today Dubyah would be a virtual nobody.

His cronies crassly claim classist tax cuts are responsible for a "strong" economy that is, in reality, propped upon the shoulders of the soldiers occupying Iraq, and the grossly negligent, deficit spending that lines the pockets of military contractors, Wall Street insiders, and other friends of the Halliburton and the Carlisle Group.

The Prescription Drug Act, a.k.a. Medicare Part D, has spiraled the Federal healthcare bureaucracy beyond Hillary Clinton's wildest dreams, provided greater opportunity for mismanagement and fraud than parts A, B, and C combined, and confused the hell out of the intended recipients and their local pharmacists. At the same time it has made pharmaceutical manufacturers richer and more powerful than they have been since before there was any regulation over the industry at all--over 100 years ago--when Cocaine and Marihuana were the primary ingredients in over half of the patent medicines available in this country, and could be purchased out of a Sears Roebuck mail order catalog.

Despite two false promises and a litany (too long to enumerate here) of bumbling failures, mistakes, screwups, illegal abuses of power, bald-faced lies, incompetence of unqualified cronies who are textbook testimony from the Peter Principle, and an inner sanctum of Cheney, Rove, Rumsfeld and Rice--whom I affectionately term: the Four Horse Apples of the Apocalypse--I don't hate the man.

To say one hates George W. Bush is equivalent to saying one hates Rainman or Forrest Gump. I don't like him, and I don't think he knows who's on first; but he is an excellent driver and he loves his Momma.

Momma always said: "Life is like a barrel of apples. A body can be sour or be a sweet one. Dubyah, you have to choose whether you are gonna be de vinegar or decider."

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
forty-two
31 May 2006

"Verily I say unto you, to criticize George W. Bush is proverbially: ‘Whipping a dead horse's ass.’" -- JR Ford, Dec 2005.

Pat Robertson Floats Around Flooding

2006-07-02T00:53:00.000-04:00

Funny how we have heard no wrath o' gawd condemnation of the blue states from Pat Robertson for 100 year flood levels and the deaths of 16 people.

It may have something to do with the fact that no major urban--typically liberal--communities suffered severely from the storms. Only small towns and rural areas, and Republican Rockville and Laurel, Maryland; red splotches in seas of blue.

42
"Bush invited Pat Robertson to the rental Rancho Pollo Loco in Crawford. In the photo ops Bush was wearing a red plaid shirt & bandana, Robertson was wearing one of those cowboy shirts with embroidery & fringe. Looked just like Howdy Doody and Buffalo Bob." -- JR Ford, Dec 2004.

Senator Spectre (sic) from S.P.E.C.T.R.E.

2006-06-27T15:38:00.000-04:00

Philadelphia Inquirer 06/16/2006 Specter presses Bush in executive-power fight
By Laurie Kellman, Associated Press

"Specter also wants to examine the statements Bush issues when he signs bills into law, in which the president enumerates how he will interpret them.

"'There's a whole litany of questions that the attorney general is going to have to answer,' Specter said this week. 'We're going to press him as hard as we can.'"

Since Specter will likely not require that the attorney general be sworn in (as he has previously), Gonzalez likely won't answer directly or truthfully (as he has previously), no matter whether he is pressed, steamed, or dry-cleaned.

Philadelphia Inquirer 06/23/2006 Specter spars with Cheney on warrantless searches
By Steve Goldstein, Inquirer Washington Bureau

"In his June 7 letter, Specter wrote that Cheney had not sought him out at the weekly GOP policy luncheon at the Capitol, which the vice president usually attends.Might that change at the next opportunity?

"'Somebody brings Cheney's lunch,' Specter said. 'I've never seen him at the buffet.'

"Asked whether Cheney had a 'taster' to screen his food, the senator said: 'Well, in that group, he certainly ought to.'"

At least he has a sense of humor.

Philade lphi a Inquirer 06/26/2006 Agreement on spy plan is close, says Specter
Associated Press

"Bush and senior officials in his administration have said they do not think changes are needed to empower the National Security Agency to eavesdrop - without court approval - on communications between people in the United States and overseas when terrorism is suspected.

"But Specter, chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, and other critics contend the program skirted a 1978 law that required the government to get approval from a secret federal court before Americans could be monitored.

"'We're getting close with the discussions with the White House, I think, to having the wiretapping issue submitted to the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court,' Specter said on Fox News Sunday."

So we reskirt it by rewriting the law and back dating it.

AOL News - (AP) Bush Ignores Laws He Signs, Vexing Congress
President Has Issued 750 Statements That He May Revise or Disregard Measures
By Laurie Kellman, AP 06.27.2006 12:55 PM EDT
(also published as: Bush Ignores Laws He Inks, Vexing Congress - Forbes.com 06.27.2006, 02:25 PM)

"...according to the White House. A law is not binding when a president issues a separate statement saying he reserves the right to revise, interpret or disregard it on national security and constitutional grounds.

"That's the argument a Bush administration official is expected to make Tuesday before the Senate Judiciary Committee, chaired by Arlen Specter, R-Pa., who has demanded a hearing on a practice he considers an example of the administration's abuse of power."

Arlen Specter demanding a hearing is like Lil' Debbie inviting you over for tea and pound cake. Put your napkin in your lap. He always crumbles.

With Incumbent Republican Senator Rick Santorum 18% behind in the polls in Pennsylvania, one of the six seats needed to flip control to Democrats in the Senate in November, Specter could be butted from Chairman of Judiciary committee to ranking minority member. He may have to resign from S.P.E.C.T.R.E., and become a Spectre.

"Specter isn't sure how much Congress can do to check the practice. 'We may figure out a way to tie it to the confirmation process or budgetary matters,' he said."

Now that sounds like the Spooky ol' Spineless Sphincter we're used to.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
forty-two

“This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.” -- Will Rogers.

Barnum & Bushly Circus

2006-06-19T13:45:00.002-04:00

The Greatest Show on Earth

Sorry. This Official White House list still has "Ol' Yeller's" name on the money.

"One can only wonder how long moderate Republicans will tolerate Larry Fine and the Howard brothers riding their elephant at the head of the circus parade. Nyuck nyuck!"
-- JR Ford, Jul 2005.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
11 June 2006
-------------------------------------------
Mike Johanns
Secretary of Agriculture

He also led eight delegations of Nebraska government, business, and agriculture leaders on trade missions to foreign countries including Japan, Taiwan, China, Hong Kong, Australia, Korea, Singapore, Malaysia, Brazil and Chile.

In case you were wondering where your jobs and surplus harvest dollars have been going for the past few years.

Carlos Gutierrez
Secretary of Commerce

Secretary Gutierrez was sworn into office on February 7, 2005. Born in Havana, Cuba in 1953, he came to the United States with his family in 1960. In 1975 he joined Kellogg as a sales representative. Rising to president and chief executive officer in 1999, he was the youngest CEO in the company's nearly 100-year history. In April 2000, he was named chairman of the board of Kellogg Company.
Secretary Gutierrez studied business administration at the Monterrey Institute of Technology in Queretaro, Mexico. He and his wife, Edilia, have three children, Carlos, Erika 2and Karina.

As of this writing, at least, there is no evidence readily available that this man is an American Citizen, Amigos.

Donald Rumsfeld
Secretary of Defense

Donald H. Rumsfeld was sworn in as the 21st Secretary of Defense on January 20, 2001. Before assuming his present post, the former Navy pilot had also served as the 13th Secretary of Defense, White House Chief of Staff, U.S. Ambassador to NATO, U.S. Congressman and chief executive officer of two Fortune 500 companies (and was a Member of the Board of Kellogg).

In 1977, Mr. Rumsfeld was awarded the nation's highest civilian award, the Presidential Medal of Freedom...

...for reasons, as yet, undetermined after several hours with Google, Vivismo, Aardvark Burrow, and others. Walter Annenberg got one, too; but he created TV Guide.

The list goes on... http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/usa/donald-rumsfeld/.

As a result of the openings created by Rumsfeld's diplomatic triumphs, U.S. companies were recruited and encouraged, both covertly and overtly, to ship poisonous chemicals and biological agents to Iraq, by the administrations of both Reagan and George Bush, Sr. Care packages to Saddam included sample strains of anthrax and bubonic plague, and components which would be used to develop nerve poisons like sarin gas and ricin.

Margaret Spellings
Secretary of Education

As the mother of two daughters, one school-age and one college-age, Spellings has a special understanding of the issues facing parents and students today. Her daughter Mary is a freshman in college, and her daughter Grace attends a public middle school. Spellings is the first mother of school children to serve as U.S. Secretary of Education.

Isn't that special? and redundant?

This is eighth grade English at best. And exactly how many fathers of school children have served as US Secretary of Education?

Samuel W. Bodman
Secretary of Energy

In 1987, he joined Cabot Corporation, a Boston-based Fortune 300 company with global business activities in specialty chemicals and materials, where he served as Chairman, CEO, and a Director. Over the years, he has been a Director of many other publicly owned corporations.
Secretary Bodman has also been active in public service. He is a former Director of M.I.T.'s School of Engineering Practice and a former member of the M.I.T. Commission on Education. He also served as a member of the Executive and Investment Committees at M.I.T., a member of the American Academy of Arts & Sciences, and a Trustee of the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum and the New England Aquarium.

While searching the web, the first hit for Bodman on Vivismo was: http://www.climatescience.gov/Library/bios/bodman.htmLibrary/bios/bodman.htm, a site which seems to have copied his biography verbatim from the WH official site. Without any research, my guess is that ClimateScience.gov is another taxpayer-funded shill for the energy industry. Cli Sci is probably paying for those oil-companies-don't-really-suck subliminal ads that are floating like flotsam upon the broadcast airwaves of late.

However I did find this:

Who is Sam Bodman? http://www.fromthewilderness.com/free/ww3/121704_sam_bodman.shtml
Bodman's nomination was awash in rhetoric about how he will help guide the US to energy independence. However, it is unlikely given his background, that Sam Bodman really believes the US can achieve this impossible goal. His appointment is intended merely to reassure the market. Sam Bodman will likely remain a low profile figure, proclaiming the glories of a hydrogen economy while secretly pushing nuclear, coal, and drilling of protected areas within the US. And, meanwhile, Dick Cheney will remain firmly in control of energy policy.

Kind of reminds me of watching Edgar Bergen cutting up with Charley McCarthy on one knee and Mortimer Snerd snoozing on the other.

Michael Leavitt
Secretary of Health & Human Services

Born February 11, 1951, in Cedar City, Utah, Leavitt graduated with a bachelor's degree in economics and business from Southern Utah University. He served as president and chief executive officer of a regional insurance firm, establishing it as one of the top insurance brokers in America. He is married to Jacalyn S. Leavitt; they are the parents of five children.

I was not always an ascerbic, Sunbelt, libertarian liberal. At one point I briefly became interested in attending Southern Utah University (known, when I visited in 1972--and likely when Leavitt graduated--as Southern Utah State College, now known as Southern Utah University), in Cedar City, Utah. At that time Cedar City had a population, not counting students and cows, of around 5,000. The town is in lonely southwestern Utah, in the Cedar Valley, nestled abruptly upon the western slope of Lone Tree Mountain, Big Hill, and the steep and sheer Hurricane Cliffs of Dixie National Park, (although I could find no evidence that Utah has ever suffered a hurricane while inhabited by white people).

I say abruptly because, although it did tend to grow lighter between 7:00AM and 8:00 AM, the Sun did not actually shine directly on the town until around to 9 o'clock--in the Springtime. There was one main street with a diner that stayed open until 9:00 PM except on Sundays, and they served beer. There were two, small liquor retailers, one at each end of the main street; several dozen yards separated them from the next closest buildings. They both closed at 6:00 PM, and were not open on Sunday at all. The classiest motel in town was the TraveLodge, the one with the cute little bear wearing a nightshirt and stocking cap and carrying a candle. The entire building was made of white painted cinderblocks, inside and out.

Other than Cedar City, enormous ranges of dynamic scenery, and cows, southwestern Utah only has only one other aesthetic attraction. It is host to the highest number of families per capita living in polygamous marriages in the US. You may have heard the FBI is seeking to corral some of these people. I think they call themselves Christians.

Michael Leavitt was born in Cedar City, Utah. Likely, he never left before he was 24 years old to begin his challenging career leading to becoming a regional insurance tycoon. As George Burns once said, "I spent a year in that town, one Sunday." This man is the Cabinet Secretary who, in March of this year--in light of the potential for an outbreak of avian flu in the US--suggested to the American public and the world that we should avoid eating poultry and "stockpile cans of tuna under our beds."

It's a good thing tuna comes in those little cans. I can stack them inside the rolls and rolls of duct tape I've been hoarding!

I immediately fired off an email pointing out that he should have warned about engaging in unprotected coitus with barnyard fowl, as well. Got a very nice thank you in reply.

Shortly thereafter, as if prophesied by Warren Jeffs himself, the CDC announced alarming warnings about the unhealthy levels of Mercury (as there have been for forty years or more) in canned tuna, Albacore and White. NPR : Study Raises New Concerns About Mercury in Tuna - 6 June 2006 Pregnant women are cautioned to avoid tuna altogether, and those planning pregnancy should limit consumption to one, six-ounce can per week.

The following week, the EPA announced that, due to overfishing, tuna is nearing the level of extinction.

Talk about your Chicken of the Sea? Poor Charlie!

Michael Chertoff
Secretary of Homeland Security

On February 15, 2005, Judge Michael Chertoff was sworn in as the second Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security. Chertoff formerly served as United States Circuit Judge for the Third Circuit Court of Appeals.
Secretary Chertoff was previously confirmed by the Senate to serve in the Bush Administration as Assistant Attorney General for the Criminal Division at the Department of Justice. As Assistant Attorney General, he helped trace the 9/11 terrorist attacks to the al-Qaida network, and worked to increase information sharing within the FBI and with state and local officials.

The break in the case came when Chertoff keenly detected identical Made in Afghanistan UPC bar codes on both packages of cardboard cutters found amongst the WTC wreckage and on the VHS tape of Osama bin-Laden making Harpo Marx, gooky faces at George Bush in effigy.

Every time this man utters rhetoric or policy through his nasal twang, I expect shrill, maniacal giggling and an episode of Tales from the Crypt to follow. I still have a hard time keeping him and Lugosi straight. Chertoff was the tall one with the bolts in his neck, right?

Alphonso Jackson
Secretary of Housing & Urban Development

Immediately preceding his appointment at HUD, Jackson served as President of American Electric Power-TEXAS, a $13 billion utility company located in Austin, Texas.

Alphonso Jackson may be the one member of the Bush Cabinet who does not have beady eyes. His curriculum vitae reads like his lifelong goal was to become HUD Secretary ever since he could bean a cockroach with a claw hammer. The above stated experience proves he is intimately acquainted with the issues facing those for whom affordable housing is a hefty challenge: hefty security deposits to utility monopolies.

Dirk Kempthorne
Secretary of the Interior

Prior to his confirmation as Secretary, Kempthorne served nearly two terms as Governor of Idaho, elected first in 1998 and reelected in 2002.
As Governor, Kempthorne worked to develop consensus on management of Idaho's and the West's natural resources. He worked with his colleagues in Oregon, Washington and Montana to develop an historic bipartisan agreement on a state-based solution for returning salmon runs in the region. Following the devastating wildfires of 2000, he worked with fellow western governors and federal officials to fundamentally change the approach to forest health and wildfire management. Under his leadership, Idaho developed wolf and grizzly bear management plans aimed at delisting the endangered species and giving the State of Idaho management responsibilities.
Dirk Kempthorne began his commitment to public service as the highly successful Mayor of the City of Boise (1985-1992). During his seven years in office, he helped direct a renaissance in the state's capital city that resulted in record growth, economic development and numerous national honors and recognitions for quality of life, business climate and family issues.
Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge appointed him to the Homeland Security Task Force.

According to English-speaking sources, never in either of his two gubernatorial election campaigns did Kempthorne invoke the names Randy Weaver or William Luther Pierce; and he only wore white once. Personally, I would omit Tom Ridge from any future resume'.

Alberto Gonzales
Attorney General

In his initial remarks to Department of Justice employees, Attorney General Gonzales reminded them of their mission and noted they have "a special obligation to protect America against future acts of terrorism. We will continue to make that our top priority while remaining consistent with our values and legal obligations. That will be the lodestar that guides us in our efforts at the Department."

Authorization of torture for prisoners of war; Abu-Gharib; secret CIA prisons that operate in defiance of the Geneva convention located on the soil of former US enemies; warrentless NSA wiretaps; coersion of telecoms to datamine domestic phone calls; and a little known, private, American resort in Eastern Cuba, where charges and checkout time (and date) are unspecified.

This man is so contra-judicial it is like appointing Hannibal Lecter to be Postmaster General, with a free hand over policy, employee conduct, and concealed weapons. This brazenly fumble-mouthed failure is the poster child for the Anti-Affirmative Action contingent.

Elaine L. Chao
Secretary of Labor

When President George W. Bush nominated Elaine L. Chao, the first Asian-American woman appointed to a President's cabinet in U.S. history, he described her as an individual with "strong executive talent, compassion, and commitment to helping people build better lives."
Secretary Chao's compassionate nature stems from her own background as an immigrant to this country at the age of eight. Her family's experience transitioning to a new country, supported by one another and the kindness of friends and neighbors, taught her that encouragement is the key to fostering independence, and that Americans are naturally compassionate people. This inspired her to dedicate most of her professional life to ensuring that people have the opportunity to pursue lives of dignity and financial independence.
As Director of the Peace Corps, she was one of the first Americans to personally embrace the people of the former communist bloc into the family of democratic nations, establishing Peace Corps programs in the Baltic nations of Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia and the newly independent states of the former Soviet Union. Later, as President and Chief Executive Officer of United Way of America, she restored public trust and confidence after the organization was tarnished by mismanagement and financial abuse, thus preserving the nation's largest institution of private charitable giving.

Secretary Chao's compassionate nature and background as an immigrant also enabled her to stand alongside Homeland Security Secretary, Michael Chertoff when Chertoff called for the end of 'catch and release' (10/18/05), stating the new policy was "to completely eliminate the 'catch and release' enforcement problem, and return every single illegal entrant--no exceptions."

This realistic and cost effective proposal comes from an administration which--after almost five years--still cannot find a six foot, four inch, 50-year-old, gray-haired A-rab on dialysis, who walks with a limp and tucks his beard into his gun belt; who remains at large and is operating a video recording studio from the Flintstones old neighborhood. A remarkably ambitious prelude to the looming probability that by the year 2040 the most common surnames in the US will no longer be Smith, Jones, and Brown; rather Wong, Nguyen, and Kim (not necessarily in that order), and not Gonzales, Martinez, or Montoya.

As former Director of the Peace Corps, she was easily able to explain to our former adversaries the intricate subtleties of the United States' use of mercenaries, field commandoes, and intelligence gatherers to masquerade as diplomatic personnel, agricultural advisors, and Air America pilots and crews who were trafficking drugs, guns and ammunition, cash, and tactical military information through towns and villages that were hosting Peace Corps volunteers throughout southeast Asia during the Viet Nam conflict.

Condoleezza Rice
Secretary of State

Born November 14, 1954 in Birmingham, Alabama...

This statement may be the only one on the web page we can be relatively certain of. The rest of her list of whistle stops suggest one of two things to me. 1) Either someone is lying and she did not do all of the things the WH says she did, because if you add up all the time she would have had to devote, no one could have done all those things in one lifetime; or, 2) She did do all of those things, just none of them long enough to do any one of them very well.

It reminds me of the tale of the talking dog for sale. Email me; I'll share it.

Secretary Rice, in my humble observation, has had as much or more face time with cameras, pundits, and reporters than any member of the administration save the Ringmaster. Yet, I have never, ever, heard her say (and repeat thrice) anything but catch phrases, buzzwords, and passive-agressive punitives in the mode of a pious, scolding nun. Not once have I heard or read a statement by Dr. Rice that has ever caught me and made me stop and think, "that woman has a head on her shoulders." Even Dubyah has!

I think the rest of the world is just too damned polite or intimidated to say so for fear of getting their knuckles rapped with a ruler. Madam Secretary could not succinctly define the difference between a queef and a fart if the paper bag she was fighting her way out of was on fire, and the kittens had already drowned.

Norman Y. Mineta
Secretary of Transportation

"Transportation is key to generating and enabling economic growth, determining the patterns of that growth, and determining the competitiveness of our businesses in the world economy," said Secretary Mineta. "Transportation is thus key to both our economic success and to our quality of life."
The U.S. transportation system includes 3.9 million miles of public roads and 2 million miles of oil and natural gas pipelines. There are networks consisting of 120,000 miles of major railroads, more than 25,000 miles of commercially navigable waterways and more than 5,000 public-use airports. The transportation system also includes more than 500 major urban public transit operators and more than 300 ports on the coasts, Great Lakes and inland waterways.

Which is why our transportation infrastructure is still largely being funded by enormous gasoline and other consumer fuel taxes despite retail prices having doubled since Bush took office. Meanwhile, fat cats who commute in helicopters and live in 12 bathroom homes get fat tax breaks to refine less gasoline, build more gas & go's, and pay illegal aliens half as much to stand in bulletproof booths selling lotto tickets, making change, and guarding the restroom keys.

John W. Snow
Secretary of the Treasury

Snow was Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of CSX Corporation, where he successfully guided the transportation company though a period of tremendous change. During Snow's twenty years at CSX, he led the Corporation to refocus on its core railroad business, dramatically reduce injuries and train accidents, and improve its financial performance.

Better be wakin' up dem gandy dancers dere, Casey Jones!

Ol' Yeller--our intrepid engineer--he's gone an' twisted the pressure valve clean off'n it's stem at full steam an' done lept off'n the locomotive back at da the last curve. Jes' soon as Ol' Mission Accomplished, Halliburpin, & Rumpty-Dumpty gets theysevvs untangled from them cheering throngs of open arms they was greeted with in Iraq, this Highballer to Hell is gonna derail at Wall Street Pass fer sher, and take down 1,000 points of light with it--or more.

Jim Nicholson
Secretary of Veterans Affairs

As Secretary of Veterans Affairs, Mr. Nicholson is the principal advocate for veterans in the U.S. government, ensuring that they receive the care, support, recognition and dignity they deserve for their service to our country. He also directs the Department of Veterans Affairs, the federal government’s second largest Cabinet Department, responsible for a nationwide system of health care services, benefits programs, and national cemeteries for America’s veterans and dependents...

That lost CD? You know, the one with the 26 million veterans' and 2 million active duty personnel’s names and personal records?

It's not lost. It's misunderfiled--between Debbie does Dallas and Dubyah does DC.

From the Big Top,
JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
forty-two
11 June 2006

"It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." -- Douglas Adams.

Field Marshall - General - President for Life, Dr. Idi Ann Coulter Da Da

2006-06-14T20:12:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a dream where I was walking down a city street in a crummy part of town, when who should come gallumping around the far corner on the same sidewalk as me, none other than the princess. Wearing that, "why can't I get a date with Matt Lauer?" fire-engine red ensemble from the clearance rack at Target lazily draped toga-ish over her shoulder pads and trainer-A-cups, she lumbers toward me with over-animated, Shelly Duval/Olive Oyl giant steps.

So stunned am I by the Paris Hilton (or should that be Amsterdam?) whiplash of her hair, and the "ohmygawd!" roll-back-into-their-prefrontal-sockets-until-only-the-redness-of-her-eyes-shows glance of hers, that my stride falters and I have to lean on one hand against a "No Parking in Driveway" sign post to catch my breath. With those vaulting pole legs launching her four feet closer to me with every second, she reminds me of a strawberry freezer pop on stilts.

Suddenly from the left, a garage door between us crashes open with Bruce Willis, looking like the final scene from Die Hard Whatever--only older--behind the wheel of a beat up Chevy Astro. He jumps from the moving mini-van and rolls once on the sidewalk towards her, leaps to his bare bloodied feet, strikes a firing pose, and empties his automatic pistol into her face.
She flattens out and lies there on the concrete, face--or something like it--up, in a puddle of blood.

Foolishly, I start towards the action packed assailant. Drawing closer I holler in disbelief, "She's dead!"

He holsters his weapon under his arm, takes a broken filter cigarette from a crumpled pack of Brand X, and lights a match. After two puffs and a smoke ring, he ambles away towards the Astro, turns, winks at me wryly, and smirks: "She needed killin.'"

Yippeekayea.

I may never drink Kool Aide out of a tall glass again.

In hopes of emotional and mental redemption, since I am presumed gawdless, and by the power vested in me by the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, I do hereby nominate Ann Coulter to be either: the Grand Poohbah, Imperial Dragon, Field Marshall, General, President for Life, Dr. Idi Amin Da Da of the Loyal Order of Lavatory Loiterers (LOLL*); or else Mayor of Detroit.

Is there a second?

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
forty-two

*LOL Lasciviously

"Some people are like Slinkies--not really good for anything, but they still put a grin on your face when you topple them down a flight of stairs." -- Unknown.

Rove Sends Bush on Air Force One to Practice Touch 'n' Goes on Iraq Runway

2006-06-14T19:16:00.000-04:00

Once again yesterday, the White House magician, Karl "The Fox" Rove, pulled another rabbit out of the hat, putting the Confounder-in-Chief's feet on the ground in Baghdad long enough for some fancy footage on FUX News. The Iraqi Prime Minister got five minutes warning of the surprise inspection. Fortunately, the dime bounced on his bunk.

Damn I wish Pat Fitzgerald had snared that sly fox!

Oh, well. Maybe he'll contract lapine lockjaw, or smack a fabled tar baby.
:

42
"I believe in the brotherhood of all men, but I don't believe in wasting brotherhood on anyone who doesn't want to practice it with me. Brotherhood is a two-way street." -- Malcolm X.

Karl Rove's Fragrance: Eau de Tuna

2006-05-06T14:30:00.000-04:00

For the next 6 months, Karl Rove, the Murray Chotneresque heir apparent to the Nixon Manifesto--originally transcribed from the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tapes--should be belled and watched like a stray cat in a fish market.

Rove's dirty playbook reads like Donald Segretti's diary. Considering his past machinations when the playing field of an election was level or tilted in his favor, who knows what kind of Machiavellian Muskie misdeeds he won't hesitate to use at a time when the home team is down by 14 points heading into the second half?

The Four Aces up the sleeve of the Nixon Manifesto.

- "I played by the rules of politics as I found them."
- "Voters quickly forget what a man says."
- "A public man must never forget that he loses his usefulness when he as an individual, rather than his policy, becomes the issue."
- "I want you to stonewall it."

How are these applicable when playing a hand of Strip Poker, this Fall?

Cheat, lie, evade and attack your opponent's patriotism, character and/or morals, and hammer away at him mercilessly with the same negative message. The GOP has been doing it religiously for forty years; and winning.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
forty-two http://hometown.aol.com/Sixtimeseven/

"If you are going to catch a 400 pound Black Mamba, someone is going to have to crawl into the Aardvark Burrow after him." -- JR Ford, Mar 2005.

Worldwide Gas Crisis Conveniently Timed?

2006-05-06T13:27:00.000-04:00

Q. What do the words Draconian and Machiavellian have in common?

A. Karl Rove.

If there was ever a time when the President's Brain could be seriously suspected of psychopathy, that time is now.

Let us recall that this is the sixth time since 1989 (the second time in seven months) that a gasoline crisis has flooded the US and, needless to say, the entire planet. Each and every time, with coincidental precision, the major oil companies have swelled the price of gasoline at the pump at an alarming rate, kept it at a crest for six to twelve months, then reduced it to a level considerably higher than before the tsunami began.

America's short attention span consumers pee in their pants until the price falls marginally. Thinking they have dodged a disaster, they are relieved to say, as in the case of the Katrina disaster last year, 'Well, it was $2.36, and now it's $2.52. At least it didn't stay at $3.00. Whew!' Then their shoelaces dry out.

Average Price Data - U.S. City Regular Gasoline Per Gallon

Low Period PPG______Peak Period PPG_____Ebb Period PPG
12/15/1989 1.170 .......... 11/15/1990 1.559 ......... 08/15/1991 1.318
12/15/1995 1.290 .......... 05/15/1996 1.507 ......... 01/15/1997 1.441
01/15/2001 1.657 .......... 05/15/2001 1.934 ......... 09/15/2001 1.726
01/15/2004 1.779 .......... 06/15/2004 2.225 ......... 01/15/2005 2.017
06/15/2005 2.365 .......... 09/15/2005 3.130 ......... 01/15/2006 2.521
Source: US EIA/DOE

Liken this to the sadistic dentist in the film Little Shop of Horrors, who drilled and giggled demonically as he eschewed administering anesthetic to his patient, yet inhaled nitrous oxide throughout the procedure; awarding the patient a lollipop after their final rinse and spit.

Rove, although dismissed from the 1992 G. H. W. Bush reelection campaign for allegedly leaking confidential information to--none other than Robert D. Novak--is still regarded as the Moby Dick of Republican campaign strategy. His ties to the Bush family's global circle of influence--specifically the Carlisle Group and the Saudi Monarchy--is undiminished. It is not a great stretch of one's imagination to suspect the current crisis was concocted and is being orchestrated entirely for political gain and egregious greed.

Mark my words. Gasoline prices will rise to $3.25 or more by the end of August. Sometime in late September--timed to trump and mute the Democratic Party's long awaited strategy and policy statement--prices will fall to $2.50 and remain there--coincidentally enough--until a two or three weeks after the November 7th election.

Whose definition of supply and demand is this?

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
forty-two http://hometown.aol.com/Sixtimeseven/
5 May 2006

"It's not Republican and Democrat. It's not liberal vs. conservative. It's haves vs. have nots, and if you ain’t one of the HAVES--big time--BUSH doesn’t care about you." -- JR Ford, Oct 2004.

OR;

"All animals are equal. Some animals are more equal." -- George Orwell, Animal Farm.

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