Bushisms and Other Ridiculous Ideas

Somewhere herein lies a portrait of a man who will say, do, or intimate anything in order to retain or enhance his own power.


George W. Bush's father served as U.S. President from 1989 to 1993.

Kim Jong-il succeeded his father, Kim Il-sung who was the leader of North Korea from 1948 until his death in 1994.

George W. Bush is Commander in Chief of all US military forces.

Kim Jong-il is General and Supreme Commander of all North Korean armed forces.

George W. Bush is in charge of all US domestic affairs covered under the Executive branch.

Kim Jong-il is in charge of all internal affairs in the Democratic People's Republic.

George W. Bush, in a televised debate held in 1999, was asked "What political philosopher or thinker do you most identify with and why?" Unlike the other Republican candidates, who cited former Presidents and other political figures, Bush responded, "Christ, because he changed my life." His appeal to religious values is believed to have aided his 2000 election as President.

Kim Jong-il's voice was broadcast for the first time in 1992. During a military parade, he approached the microphone and said "Glory to the heroic soldiers of the People's Army!" When his father died in 1994, he was not replaced as President, and in fact remains the President resting in the memorial mausoleum in central Pyongyang. The active position has been abolished in deference to the memory of Kim Il-sung, officially deified as the "Great Leader." Kim Jong-il unofficially succeeded him assuming the title of General Secretary of the Worker's Party of Korea, affectionately known as "Dear Leader."

George W. Bush, on his first day in office, moved to block federal aid to foreign groups that offered counselling or any other assistance to women in obtaining abortions. Days into his first term, Bush announced his commitment to channelling more federal aid to faith-based service organizations, while his staff privately buffooned religious leaders.

Kim Jong-il in his position as Chairman of the National Defense Commission was declared in 1998 to occupy "the highest post of the state", so Kim may be regarded as North Korea's head of state from that date. This is the first, and so far only, time a communist country's leadership has progressed in a dynastic succession. Since Kim is not the president, he is not constitutionally required to hold elections to confirm his legitimacy and has not done so.

George W. Bush is known privately to have a singularly bad, head strong temper and relies on his own instinct and the advice of limited inner circle of advisors rather than consensus when making policy decisions. He has fired staffers, advisors, Cabinet members, and generals who have disagreed with him.

Kim Jong-il is a reclusive leader who is known for his "cruelty and unpredictability," and demands absolute obedience and agreement, and views any deviation from his thinking as a sign of disloyalty.

George W. Bush has a number of accounts of substance abuse and otherwise disorderly conduct in his past, and he has admitted to drinking "too much" described this period of his life as his "nomadic" period of "irresponsible youth". Bush was able to keep his drunk driving arrest a secret throughout his years as governor of Texas.

Kim Jong-il, prior to 1995, was frequently accused of dishonesty, drunkenness, sexual excess of various kinds and even insanity. He sometimes wears lifts and platform shoes.

George W. Bush is often referred to by the nickname Dubya.

Kim Jong-il dictates content of state television KCTV news broadcasts, which make frequent use of honorifics such as "Great Leader," "Dear General," and "Dear Father," and occasionally "The Sun of the 21st Century."

George W. Bush, in May of 1968, was accepted into the Texas Air National Guard. After training, he was assigned to duty in Houston. Bush has been criticized over his induction and period of service, and that he was irregular in attendance. Bush took a transfer to the Alabama Air National Guard in 1972 to work on a Republican senate campaign, and in 1974 he obtained permission to end his six-year service obligation six months early to attend Harvard Business School, receiving an honorable discharge.

Kim Jong-il, according to North Korean "enjoys golf, having shot multiple holes-in-one during his first try at the game. He reportedly aced five holes and finished 38 under par on the golf course."

George W. Bush's share in the sale of the Texas Rangers brought him over $15 million from his initial $800,000 investment. His net worth is estimates range between $9 million and $26 million. Dick Cheney's 2005 net worth is $92 Million.

Kim Jong-il once traveled across Russia by train with a Russian emissary who told reporters that Kim had live lobsters air-lifted to the train every day which he ate with silver chopsticks. His net worth approaches $4 billion.

George W. Bush, during his first term, sought and obtained Congressional approval for two additional tax cuts: the Job Creation and Worker Assistance Act of 2002 and the Jobs and Growth Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2003. Arguably, cuts were distributed disproportionately to higher income taxpayers through a decrease in marginal rates. Three million new, low-wage, service-based jobs have been created, and an equal number of high paying, manufacturing and technology jobs have migrated overseas.

Kim Jong-il declared in 2002 that "money should be capable of measuring the worth of all commodities." North Korea relies upon foreign aid and imports most of it's commodities. Up to one half of North Koreans are unemployed, and have no state funded assistance.

George W. Bush has presided over record economic profits by US based multinational energy corporations, domestic pharmaceutical manufacturers, health and hazard insurance companies, and Wall Street brokerages, yet real wages for middle class workers have fallen for five straight years, and domestic bankruptcies and homeowner mortgage defaults are at an all time high. Trade with China has nearly doubled.

Kim Jong-il is North Korea's foremost economic planner. Despite its international and economic difficulties as a result of poor industrial productivity, it does not seem to be in imminent danger of collapse. The Democratic People's Republic has begun limited market experimentation, and trade with China nearly doubled between 2002 and 2004

George W. Bush's domestic agenda carried forward the adoption of the No Child Left Behind Act, with Democratic Senator Ted Kennedy as chief sponsor. The legislation aims to close the achievement gap, measures student performance, provides options to parents with students in low-performing schools, and targets more federal funding to low-income schools. NCLBA has been a source of ongoing controversy. Critics argue that Bush has underfunded his own program, and Kennedy himself has claimed: "The tragedy is that these long overdue reforms are finally in place, but the funds are not." One in seven Americans has no health care coverage whatsoever, whereas every congressperson is afforded health care coverage for life at taxpayer expense.

Kim Jong-il's domestic agenda is reflected by estimates ranging as high as the existence of 5 million orphans and as many as 10,000 North Koreans starve every day as a result of corruption within the Pyongyang and regional bureaucracies, pilferage and hoarding by the government elite, neglectful disconcern by Kim and the loyal party base, and total disregard for the rural population outside the bubble of Pyongyang's fallacious auspice. During the 1990's, even soldiers were starved to death in lieu of Kim's ferver for advanced technological weaponry. Education and health care are virtually non-existant for all but roughly 1 million of it's 22 million citizens, and an estimated 2 to 5 million in the DPRK military.

George W. Bush publicly condemned Kim Jong-Il and his Stalinist regime, naming North Korea one of three states in an "axis of evil," and vowing that "[t]he United States of America will not permit the world's most dangerous regimes to threaten us with the world's most destructive weapons." Within months, both countries had walked away from their respective commitments under the US-DPRK Agreed Framework of 1994.

Kim Jong-il's relationship with the United States has been more difficult. The U.S. and North Korea signed the Agreed Framework following a U.S. military buildup near the country, with the U.S. considering bombing an active reactor. Under this agreement, North Korea was to shut down its graphite-moderated nuclear reactors and plutonium processing program in exchange for two light water reactors paid for mostly by South Korea, together with interim fuel oil shipments by the U.S. Construction of the light-water reactors fell behind schedule and delivery of the fuel oil was often late. North Korea was supposed to use these for energy only but was accused by the U.S. of pursuing nuclear weapons.

George W Bush's apparent mediocrity has been a major factor in his success.

Kim Jong Il happens to be brilliant at his primary responsibility--remaining in power.

George W Bush is a self-described "war President." Since his 2004 re-election, he has received increasingly heated criticism, even from former allies, on the Iraq War, the Guantanamo Bay prison and Abu Ghraib torture and prisoner abuse scandals, as well as domestic issues such as federal funding of stem cell research, Hurricane Katrina, NSA warrantless surveillance, and a number of scandals.

Kim Jong Il dominates the life of the Korean people who form a harmonious whole with the General is a revolutionary life to glorify their noblest political integrity. This is why they have unbendingly advanced the revolution with an unshakable faith, not wavering under any obstacles and trials. The General is the mental pillar and the eternal sun to the Korean people. As they are in harmonious whole with him, they are enjoying a true life based on pure conscience and obligation. They are upholding him as their great father and teacher, united around him in ideology, morality and obligation. So, their life is a true, fruitful and precious life without an equal in history.

George W Bush's popularity has declined. Some people, such as Benjamin Ferencz, a chief prosecutor at the Nuremberg trials, hold the view that Bush should be tried for war crimes along with Saddam Hussein for starting "aggressive" wars. They argue that the US-led invasion was a war of aggression, and therefore under the Nuremberg Principles it constitutes the supreme international crime from which all other war crimes follow.

Kim Jong Il is absolutely worshiped. The Korean people trust and follow him as god. These noble ideological feelings are ascribable to the fact that they have keenly felt the greatness of the General from the bottom of their hearts. He is the great teacher who teaches them what the true life is, a father who provides them with the noblest political integrity and a tender-hearted benefactor who brings their worthwhile life into full bloom.

Bush to Review Iraq Tactics
By KEVIN FREKING, AP

WASHINGTON (Oct. 20) - President Bush acknowledged Friday that "it's tough" in Iraq and said he would consult with American generals to see if a change in tactics is necessary to combat the escalating violence.

Seventy-four American troops have died in Iraq in October, likely to become the deadliest month for U.S. forces in nearly two years.

"One of the reasons you're seeing more casualties is the enemy is active and so are our troops, along with Iraqis," Bush said in a brief interview with The Associated Press.

He said he planned consultations within the next few days with Gen. John Abizaid, the top U.S. commander in the Middle East, and Gen. George Casey, who leads the U.S.-led Multinational Forces in Iraq.

"We are constantly adjusting our tactics so we can achieve the objectives and right now, it's tough," the president said. "It's tough on the families who've lost a loved one. It's tough for our citizens who look at it on TV. It's hard on the Iraqis. They've lost a lot of life."

He declined to say, though, whether he thought a change in tactics was necessary

The president has often said that U.S. goals in Iraq remain the same: to have a country that can sustain itself, govern itself and help in the war on terror.

[...]
The White House said that while Bush might change tactics in Iraq, he would not change his overall strategy despite growing opposition and Republican anxiety that his policy could cost the GOP control of the House or the Senate - or both.

[...]
"The president is not going to alter his approach based on political considerations, but instead on the business of trying and moving toward having an Iraq that can sustain, govern and defend itself," Bush's spokesman said.

With the war in its fourth year and the U.S. death toll above 2,780, Bush faces intense political pressure to change what critics say is a failed Iraq policy. An independent commission led by former secretary of State James A. Baker III and former Democratic Rep. Lee Hamilton of Indiana is exploring options for a new Iraq strategy.

On another contentious foreign policy issue, Bush said he would not comment on a report that North Korea had apologized for conducting a nuclear test until he had a chance to consult with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who is in Beijing for talks with Chinese officials on the nuclear standoff.

The mass-circulation Chosun Ilbo reported that North Korean leader Kim Jong Il had told the Chinese that "he is sorry about the nuclear test." The North Korean leader also raised the possibility the country would return to arms talks.

Bush said Rice would report back to him later Friday. "I will then react, but we'll wait to hear confirmation on whether the leader of North Korea has stated that," he said.

[...]
Later, at a fundraiser in Washington for the National Republican Senatorial Committee, Bush said his party has the best ideas for fostering U.S. economic progress and winning the war on terror and the war in Iraq. He urged Congress to extend his tax cuts and said if Democrats win the elections, they will raise taxes.

He also railed against Democrats who criticize the war in Iraq. Calling the Democrats the party of "cut and run," Bush said: "The voters out there need to ask the question, `Which political party will support the brave men and women who wear our uniform when they do their job of protecting America? Which political party is willing to give our professionals the tools necessary to protect the American people? Which political party has a strategy for victory in this war on terror?

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press.

North Korea's Kim Regrets Test
By BURT HERMAN, AP

SEOUL, South Korea (Oct. 20) - North Korean leader Kim Jong Il said Pyongyang didn't plan to carry out any more nuclear tests and expressed regret about the country's first-ever atomic detonation last week, South Korean media reported Friday.

North Korea, however, kept up its bellicose rhetoric as more than 100,000 people gathered Friday in Pyongyang's central Kim Il Sung square to "hail the success of the historic nuclear test," according to the North's official media.

Kim told Chinese State Councilor Tang Jiaxuan that "we have no plans for additional nuclear tests," Yonhap news agency reported, citing an unnamed diplomatic source in Beijing.

Kim also told the Chinese that "he is sorry about the nuclear test," the mass-circulation Chosun Ilbo daily reported, citing a diplomatic source in China. The North Korean leader also raised the possibility the country would return to arms talks.

"If the U.S. makes a concession to some degree, we will also make a concession to some degree, whether it be bilateral talks or six-party talks," Kim was quoted as telling a Chinese envoy, the newspaper reported. The delegation led by Tang met Kim during a daylong visit on Thursday.

[...]
A North Korean official, meanwhile, defended last week's nuclear test and said Pyongyang would "crush U.S. imperialists' schemes with its self-defensive power."

"No matter how the U.S. imperialists try to stifle and isolate our republic ... victory will be on the side of justice," said Choe Thae Bok, secretary of the Central Committee of the Workers' Party of Korea, according to the North's official Korean Central News Agency's Korean-language report.

Choe made the comments at a rally in the North Korean capital in which tens of thousands of citizens and soldiers cheered the nuclear test, according to KCNA - the first known celebration directly tied to the explosion.

In an interview with ABC News in Pyongyang, North Korea's chief nuclear negotiator, Kim Kye Gwan, said the country was willing to return to talks.

"We believe that the nuclear test that we've already held gives us full deterrent, sufficient deterrent power, and we hope to return to six-party talks," Kim Kye Gwan said, adding there's no reason North Korea should remain an enemy of the U.S.

In the interview, Kim also noted the North has not indicated there would be another nuclear test, but that "others have said that."

[...]
North Korea has long insisted that the U.S. desist from a campaign to sever its ties to the international financial system. Washington accuses Pyongyang of complicity in counterfeiting and money laundering to sell weapons of mass destruction...

Associated Press writers Audra Ang in Beijing and Kevin Freking in Washington contributed to this report. Copyright 2006 The Associated Press.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com

UP: Welcome, Mr. Vice President.

Dick: Dick. Call me Dick.

UP: Ok, Dick.


Dick: I am, you know.

UP: So I've heard.

Dick: It's an attitude thing.

UP: Dick, it's been said that you are a pretty uptight fellow, like you've got a broomstick up your ass.

Dick: I categorically deny that!

UP: I suspected you might.

Dick: Of course. I'm a twenty-first century guy.

UP: How's that?


Dick: It's a Swiffer.

UP: Dick, what can you tell us about the sex scandal in Congress involving Mark Foley?

Dick: That dumb cocksucker. Not much really. I do know that he's a speed reader.

UP: Is that right?

Dick: Two pages at a time.

UP: You know there are some serious allegations about he and some others that could hurt the Republican party, and Foley could go to jail.

Dick: I've anticipated that.

UP: So you're saying you have a political counter strategy formulated?


Dick: No. I sent him a case of Softsoap.

UP: Good thinking. Turning to the War of Terror, is there any news of the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden?

Dick: We're not sure at the moment, but the CIA says he's been sighted touring with ZZ Top.

UP: So he's on the run?

Dick: He's got legs.

UP: Let me ask you about Halliburton. You were CEO until you became vice president. Can you explain the billions in no-bid contracts, the 50 lawsuits alleging fraud and other malfeasance, and the fact that Halliburton's stock value is now seven times greater than before we invaded Iraq? A lot of Americans feel like they're getting screwed.

Dick: I always use a condom.

UP: Would you call that: "Safe Sodomy," Dick?


Dick: Bet'cher ass.

UP: What about Saddam Hussein? There is evidence to suggest that you and others supplied him with chemical weapons back in the eighties, but it is unclear how he reimbursed the US.

Dick: Umm, well. His mustache tickles.

UP: I can imagine it would.

Dick: Kinda wiry.

UP: And North Korea? Supposedly Don Rumsfeld sat on the board of directors of a company that sold them nuclear technology during the nineties.

Dick: Let me think back to my future recollection about it. I'm pretty sure that transaction was handled by one Dr. Emmet Brown. As I remember it, what we delivered were some old Whirlpool parts and a used DeLorean.

UP: With a flux capacitor?

Dick: No. We substituted a pair of dingo balls.

UP: Tell me about the administration's relationship with the religious right.


Dick: Nuts!

UP: Excuse me?

Dick: I said, "nuts." I knew you were going to ask me that.

UP: Jerry Falwell, for example?

Dick: He doesn't.

UP: I beg your pardon?

Dick: Fall well. I pushed him down the chapel steps one time. The weenie broke his nose. He doesn't.

UP: Fall well?

Dick: Nope.

UP: Oh. What about Pat Robertson and his 700 club?

Dick: There's over a million members. All Republicans, you know. 700 is their collective IQ.

UP: I didn't know that.

Dick: Wasn't always called the 700 club. Dubyah was reborn 20 years ago and joined the club. That's when they changed it.

UP: What was it called before?

Dick: The 666 club. For all you right-brained liberals out there, the answer is 34.

UP: Speaking of the President, what is your sincere opinion of him?

Dick: George Dubyah is a great and powerful leader, almost like a Greek hero. Why even his mother says he's the product of a Trojan casualty.

UP: Amazing.

Dick: He's so amazing he could be the Wizard of Oz.

UP: He could?


Dick: If he only had a brain.

UP: Tell me about Condaleeza Rice.

Dick: Wonderful woman; comes from a fine family. I went to school with her Uncle Ben.

UP: Hmm.. Condaleeza is a unique name. Do you know the origin?

Dick: It's French. She also has two sisters, both with French names.

UP: Which are?

Dick: Vageena and Douchey.

UP: Really?

Dick: Got a brother too. He's a rap singer; pretty slick.

UP: What's his name?

Dick: K.Y.

UP: I'll look for him on CD. Let's turn to the immigration problem. Where do you stand?

Dick: Ronald Reagan, our other greatest President, summed it up brilliantly when he said: "Mexicans are more aptly suited to agricultural work because they are built close to the ground."

UP: No. He didn't really say that, did he?

Dick: Would I jerk you off?

UP: Uhh... I dunno.


Dick: You're the one stroking me, jockstrap.

UP: Since you brought it up, I notice your head seems swollen. How'd that happen?

Dick: Ahh. That lying, limp-dick Libby slammed it in the tailgate of my Taurus.

UP: OW! That sucks. I hear Libby is facing 30 years for perjury.

Dick: I anticipated that, also.

UP: Sent him hand soap in a pump bottle, too?

Dick: Nope. Lava, a whole truckload.

UP: Ouch! You didn't?


Dick: Yep. Really blew a wad on it.

UP: Now that you mention it, what's that odd looking stain on your necktie?

Dick: It's Clinton's fault!

UP: Dick, that's outrageous. It can't be true.


Dick: What do I look like? Some fat chick in a blue dress? Go fuck yourself!

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
fortytwo

"Remember: 'Dick Cheney' is a complete sentence

# posted by jr ford @ 10/19/2006 01:34:00 PM 0 comments

I'm all outta Marlboros here, Fargo, and wound so tight I'm 'bout ready to bleach my hair blonde, conk my generally funny looking partner with an axe, an' stuff 'em in the wood chipper out back by the Moose Lake.

"One day soon, it will not be difficult for anyone to decide which was the greater disaster: 9/11 or this administration." -- JR Ford, Sep 2006.

"It is unacceptable to think..." -- George W. Bush, 9/15/06.

"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office." -- Aesop.

"When we got into office, the thing that surprised me most was to find that things were just as bad as we'd been saying they were." -- John F. Kennedy.

"It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." -- Douglas Adams.

"Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often." -- Mae West.

Maf54(11:14:32 AM): I’ve got MALE!

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a Congressman. But then I repeat myself." -- Mark Twain.

"This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer." -- Will Rogers.

"At some point, if someone is bludgeoning himself to death, sometimes the best strategy is to stand back and let him do it." -- Unknown.

"Wonder what Dick Armey would say today if asked about the Barney Fag remark on talk radio, which led to Armey losing the House Majority Leader post to Tom Delay?" -- JR Ford, Oct 2006.

"Every time we come to the conclusion that the Republican administration and Congress could not be any more stupid and greedy, they stun us. If you think about it, this is a loose definition of torture." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"Ninety percent of the world are fools, and the rest of us are in danger of being contaminated." -- Horace Vandergelder, Yonkers, NY.

"The man would have sex with a cigar store Indian if he could figure out how to avoid the splinters." -- JR Ford, Oct 2004.

"Z - V - B - X - R - P - L." -- Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush, DVM, a.k.a. Groucho Marx, A Day at the Races.

"When the tyrant has disposed of foreign enemies by conquest or treaty, and there is nothing to fear from them, then he is always stirring up some war or other, in order that the people may require a leader." -- Plato.

"It is also in the interests of a tyrant to keep his people poor, so that they may not be able to afford the cost of protecting themselves by arms and be so occupied with their daily tasks that they have no time for rebellion." -- Aristotle.

"There is no true glory in war." -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, on the eve of D-Day.

"It is part of the general pattern of misguided policy that our country is now geared to an arms economy which was bred in an artificially induced psychosis of war hysteria and nurtured upon an incessant propaganda of fear." -- Douglas MacArthur, May 15, 1951.

"Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in fear." -- Harry S. Truman.

"Those who make peaceful revolutions impossible will make violent revolutions inevitable." -- John F. Kennedy.

"It is not too strong a statement to declare that this is the way civilizations begin to die. None of us has the right to suppose it cannot happen here." -- Richard M. Nixon.

"A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny." -- Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

"[T]hey say there isn't any royalty in this country, but do you want me to tell you how to be king of the United States of America? Just fall through the hole in a privy and come out smelling like a rose." -- Kurt Vonnegutt.

"The Bush Administration could never mutate into a dictatorship. Dictatorships are efficient." -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"You say you want a revolution?" -- John Lennon.

"The imperialists see extremists everywhere. It's not that we are extremists. It's that the world is waking up. It's waking up all over. And people are standing up." -- Hugo Chavez, 20 Sept 2006.

"Ego notwithstanding, Chavez is right about one thing. The U.S. is becoming increasingly unpopular around the world, primarily for one reason: George W. Bush. His policies taste of tyranny, at home and abroad." -- JR Ford, Sep 2006.

"We are a nation victimized by ignorance resultant from media sound bites predigested for the short attention span appetite; media included." -- JR Ford, Sep 2006.

"Never was so much false arithmetic employed on any subject as that which has been employed to persuade nations that it is in their interests to go to war." -- Thomas Jefferson.

"Never has so much military and economic and diplomatic power been used so ineffectively, and if after all of this time, and all of this sacrifice, and all of this support, there is still no end in sight, then I say the time has come for the American people to turn to new leadership not tied to the mistakes and policies of the past." -- Richard M. Nixon.

"Why, after four years since 9/11/2001, when he was originally declared the target of the war on terror, is a six foot, four inch, 50-year-old, gray-haired A-rab on dialysis, who walks with a limp and tucks his beard into his gun belt, still at large and operating a video recording studio from the Flintstones' old neighborhood?" -- JR Ford, Jul 2005.

"Osama Bin Laden's intent when he attacked the WTC on 9/11/2001 was to disrupt-if not destroy-the American economy. The $3 trillion budget surplus Bush inherited back in 2001 is now an $8 trillion deficit. The rate of the deficit is still growing; so much so that we rely upon our heretofore evil enemies Communist China, and Saudi Arabia, two of the most repressive regimes on Earth--among others--to purchase billions in U.S. Treasury bonds to just keep our spend-and-don't-tax credit-card government afloat. If that isn't irony, there is none." -- JR Ford, Feb 2005.

“Ronald Reagan won the Cold war by outspending the Soviets into economic oblivion. Bin Laden is causing us to do the same thing to ourselves.” -- JR Ford, Oct 2006.

"So let me see if I've got this. Israel, India, Pakistan, North Korea and most likely Iran, have nuclear (not NUCULAR) weapons capability. 9/11 was engineered by Saudis, hiding out in Afghanistan; and we invaded Iraq? Did I get that right?" -- JR Ford, April 2003.

"There are now more Americans dead as a result of fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan than died in the attacks on September 11, 2001." -- JR Ford, Oct 2006.

"God bless our troops. Gawdamn Bush." -- JR Ford, May 2006.

"About 50% of the people in Viet Nam over the age of eleven smoke cigarettes; mostly American and French brands. Guess we won after all?" -- JR Ford, Jan 2006.

"It's the WAR, Stupid!" -- JR Ford, Oct 2006.

"It is fortunate for the government that the people do not think." -- Adolf Hitler, Mein Kamph.

"Terrorism is the best political weapon for nothing drives people harder than a fear of sudden death." -- Adolf Hitler.

"Why of course the people don't want war ... But after all it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliamentarian, a communist dictatorship ...
"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger." -- Hermann Goering.

"Fascism will come to this country, and it will come disguised as Americanism." -- Huey Long.

"Fascism should rather be called corporatism, as it is the merging of government and corporate power." -- Benito Mussolini.

"A war for profit can accomplish in weeks what may take a war of ideas centuries. It just leaves a bigger mess." -- JR Ford, Sept 2005.

"Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth." -- John F. Kennedy.

"I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in A, B, C, and D. Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?" -- Barry Goldwater, 1964.

"When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule." -- Neal Horsley, anti-abortion activist.

"Being REBORN is equivalent to pressing CONTROL-ALT-DELETE. Unfortunately, the virus is still there." -- JR Ford, Jan 2005.

"It is interesting to note so many who wrap themselves in an altar cloth and the flag have so little respect for the concepts those items symbolize." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"All too many Bush supporters think the multiplication table is where Jesus sat to hand out the loaves and fishes." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"If religion were true, its followers would not try to bludgeon their young into an artificial conformity; but would merely insist on their unbending quest for truth, irrespective of artificial backgrounds or practical consequences." -- H. P. Lovecraft.

"Evolution? Science? Nah! It's all a myth. Explain to your liberal friends that Darwin and Newton were guessing." -- JR Ford, Sep 2006.

"Wouldn't the world be more interesting if theories like evolution and gravity were inapplicable to those who disbelieve them? Certainly more fun!" -- JR Ford, Aug 2006.

"Don't be fooled. The true meaning of life and for the existence of mankind is to become fossil fuel." -- JR Ford, Nov 1995.

"I believe in God. In fact, I was talking to Him just the other day. Asked Him how Bush got elected president, twice. Know what He said? -- 'Fuck if I know!'" -- JR Ford, Dec 2004.

"Rest assured that the BA's fate in the infernal regions is to be boiled for all eternity in Iraqi crude." -- JR Ford, Aug 2006.

"God and religion are two completely different concepts. God exists by virtue of the fact that man believes in Him. Religion exists by virtue of the fact that man believes he knows better than God what is best for man." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"If anyone, anywhere, ever once considered the arrival of an anti-Christ, now would be the time to take another look in the back of the Bible." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"If, as the Bible says, "Money is the root of all evil," why do the Republicans have most of it? And why do churches keep begging for it?" -- JR Ford, Jan 2005.

"THI$ I$ YOUR GOD!" -- John Carpenter.

"Verily I say unto you, to criticize George W. Bush is proverbially:
`Whipping a dead horse's ass.'" -- JR Ford, Dec 2005.

"On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does." -- Will Rogers.

"The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking." -- Will Rogers.

"Cheney and Rove know that this battle is for all the marbles. If Democrats can't effectively repudiate the GOP's fear-mongering strategy of linking Iraq to national security, they can kiss 2006 -- and 2008 -- good-bye." -- Arianna Huffington.

"It won't be the war that defeats neo-conservatism in 2008. It will be $4.00 a gallon gasoline." -- JR Ford, Aug 2006.

"Once cheered as the Maraschino cherry atop a Christian conservative chocolate sundae, with his recent plummet in credibility and popularity, George W. Bush has become a tepid turd on a toothpick in middle America`s martini." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"As his poll numbers continue to dwindle, George W. Bush has become the urban housewife who, upon a whim, decides to have a one time affair with the mailman. Upon his departure, the housewife is unable to locate her wedding band. After turning her apartment upside down in vain in hopes of locating the ring, she is faced with the dilemma of disassembling the plumbing drains, dumpster diving, or calling the Post Office." -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"It is amazing how one individual can single handedly destroy one's pride in being an American." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"Nixon '08. One stiff Dick is as good as the next." -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"Shades of Nixon and his indelible, five o'clock shadow, only worse. At least Nixon drove in his own demolition derby. Who knows who is behind the wheel of this impending pileup?" -- JR Ford, Jan 2006.

"With a President named BUSH and a VP named DICK, who do you think wears the pants?" -- JR Ford, Dec 2001.

"If you hold George Bush up to your ear, you can hear the oil slick slapping on the contaminated beach." -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"Not long ago, Dick Cheney insisted that fossil fuel is still the primary source of energy in our future for decades to come. Anybody who really believes this is a fossil, and should have the drilling rights auctioned to open their aorta." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"To the Vice President, Dick, is not just a nickname, it's an attitude." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"Don't you just love it when George Bush starts waxing nostalgic? Kind of leaves you pining for Nixon, don't he?" -- JR Ford, Jun 2006

"Laura, honey. Whyn'tch'all set yo' cute lil red hedd'd seff right down' here'n dis here big ol' crock pot 'n' make yo'seff nahce'n comfy, whiles't Ah whip us up a big ol' batch'a dumpl'n's, Hon?" -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"I love Republicans. They taste like chicken!" -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"George W. Bush is a great and powerful leader, like a Greek hero. Even his mother admits he is the product of a Trojan casualty." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"To say one hates George W. Bush is equivalent to saying one hates Rainman or Forrest Gump. I don't like him, and I don't think he knows who's on first; but he is an excellent driver and he loves his Momma.

"Momma always said: `Life is like a barrel of apples. A body can be sour or be a sweet one. Dubyah, you have to choose whether you are gonna be de vinegar or decider.'" -- JR Ford, Forrest Bush.

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." -- Marcus Aurelius.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie - deliberate, contrived and dishonest - but the myth - persistent, persuasive and unrealistic." -- John F. Kennedy.

"There is no such ideal as the moral philosophy as Neo-Conservatism. It is but a perverse euphemism for the immoral discipline of Neo-Fascism." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"Let our patriotism be reflected in the creation of confidence in one another, rather than in crusades of suspicion. Let us prove we think our country great, by striving to make it greater." -- John F. Kennedy, 11-18-1961

"The prideful virtue of patriotism for it's own sake is, oftentimes, an alibi for the dastardly vice of fear of the unknown." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"The ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all." -- John F. Kennedy.

"Principle is OK up to a certain point, but principle doesn't do any good if you lose." -- Dick Cheney, White House Chief of Staff, 1976.

"If not for six inches of 64-gauge platinum wire, a watch battery, and a nominal amount of integrated micro-circuitry, Dick Cheney would be worm food." -- JR Ford, Dec 2005.

"Dick Cheney's penance in the Infernal Regions will most certainly entail burning breeches." -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"If the media would root around in Cheney's boxers a bit, they'd find all the dirt they are looking for." -- JR Ford, Aug 2000.

"Ever notice that Dick Cheney, Ken Mehlman, and Mary Matalin all talk out of the right side of their grimace?" -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"Cheney, Rove, Rumsfeld, and Rice: The Four Horse Apples of the Apocalypse." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"If you are going to catch a 400 pound Black Mamba, someone is going to have to crawl into the Aardvark Burrow after him." -- JR Ford, Mar 2005.

"Harry Truman said, 'The buck stops here.' George Bush palmed it." -- JR Ford, Jun 2005.

"A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad." -- Theodore Roosevelt.

"I'm the only person of distinction who has ever had a depression named for him." -- Herbert Hoover.

"When a man has failed at every endeavor he has undertaken in his life, except reproduction, and speaks English as if it were his second language, why should we expect any different when he is elected to high public office?" -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"I'm kind of stalling for time here... They told me what to say." -- George W Bush, Press Conference, 03-21-2006 10:00 EST.

"If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog." -- Harry Truman.

"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way." -- Mark Twain.

"Politics, like life, is a cycle. Make hay while you can; you'll just have to shovel out the barn later." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"I still have a hard time keeping Chertoff and Lugosi straight. Chertoff was the tall one with the bolts in his neck, right?" -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"It's a good thing tuna comes in those little cans. I can stack them inside the rolls and rolls of duct tape I've been hoarding!" -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"The only thing definitively Brown in the whole Katrina disaster was the seat of his briefs." -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"It is ridiculous to attempt to restrict the socioeconomic and climactic migration of man with an arbitrary line drawn in the sand." -- JR Ford, Sep 1994.

"Solution to illegal immigration: Deport Bush." -- JR Ford, May 2006.

"The less Bush does about healthcare, the faster socialized medicine will get here." -- JR Ford, Oct 2004.

"George H. W. Bush said in 1980 that Reaganomics was Voodoo economics. As we all know, history bears him out. Maybe that's why W plans to outsource healthcare for the poor to Haiti." -- JR Ford, Jul 2001.

"I worry little about Global Warming. The Earth has been here 4.5 billion years, doing well without our help. It can take care of itself. It's solution just may not include homo-sapiens." -- JR Ford, Aug 2005.

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators." -- Will Rogers.

"Arlen Specter demanding a hearing is like Lil' Debbie inviting you over for tea and pound cake. Keep your napkin in your lap. He always crumbles." -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"If Dr. Frist were my primary provider, I'd demand a second opinion." -- JR Ford, Aug 2006.

"There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators." -- Will Rogers.

“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.” -- Mark Twain.

"Somewhere between the fifth and seventh century BCE, Lao Tzu wrote: 'Trying to control the future is like trying to take the master carpenter's place. When you handle the master carpenter's tools, chances are that you'll cut your hand.' If the recent grumbling about investigations and finger pointing metastasizes into an out-and-out ulcer, we may see some arteries opened yet." -- JR Ford, Dec 2004.

"Clean sweep, Hell?! This country needs a Hoover!" -- JR Ford, Jan 2006.

"If Bush is doing such a good job on homeland security, why are only Republicans terrified?" -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"It's not just a vacation, it's an adventure." -- US-Iraqi Board of Tourism.

"TSR Hobbies of Wisconsin, the creators of `Dungeons & Dragons,' has announced the release of a new strategy board game called, `Operation Iraqi Freedom,' just in time for the Christmas shopping season. The game is being shipped with an insufficient number of pieces; strategy is determined randomly by a dice roll upon each player turn; the Rule Book is vague, self contradictory between subsequent chapters, and need not be followed; and no conditions for victory are defined--making `OIF' the first parlor game since Milton Bradley's 1926 release of `Monopoly' that can potentially be played ad-infinitum until one player possesses all of the assets, or until all participants are dead." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week." -- Will Rogers.

"The real problem in the Middle East is vice of choice. They don't drink alcohol and they don't eat pork. They eschew most pollutants to the body--all of the things we here in the West rely upon to chill out with. They do, however, drink coffee by the tanker load and smoke incessantly, when they can get them. If the US was worth it's salt, we'd clandestinely supplant all the imports of coffee and tobacco with decaf and nicotine-free, clove cigarettes." -- JR Ford, March 2003.

"Les permettre de manger du gâteau jaune." -- Déficit de Madame du Hapsburg-Lorraine, Marie Antoinette.

"Iraq: Blood for Votes." -- JR Ford, Oct 2006.

"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail." -- Will Rogers.

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican." -- Dan Quayle.

"One can only wonder how long moderate Republicans will tolerate Larry Fine and the Howard brothers riding their elephant at the head of the circus parade." -- JR Ford, Jul 2005.

"They say the president's dead, no one can find his head, it's been missin' now for weeks. But no one noticed it, he had seemed so fit. I'm sick of it. Bye, bye, bye." -- Lou Reed.

"The difference between Democrats and Republicans: When a Democratic president leaves office, his staff and cabinet members become lobbyists. When a Republican president leaves office, they become inmates." -- JR Ford. Nov 2000.

"If a Bush-alike president is elected in 2008, no doubt the inaugural parade will be marched in goose step with missiles and howitzers in tow." -- JR Ford, Dec 2004.

"The problem with Republican voters is that they prefer a candidate who feeds them platitudes and inane generalized slogans and demonization of the Democrats. They don't care what the guy does, as long as he says what they want to hear." -- JR Ford, Nov 2000.

"Although it inherently retains all the flexibility, malleability, and stretch-ability of Silly Putty, a Texas Cowpie is still a turd." -- JR Ford, Nov 2005.

"George W. Bush will go down in history as the 2nd best president in history, right after Millard Fillmore, the 13th President, whose GREATEST achievement was to install a CRAPPER in the White House." -- JR Ford, Oct 2004.

"Don't you just love it when George Bush starts waxing nostalgic? Kind of leaves you pining for Nixon, don't he?" -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"If you hold George Bush up to your ear, you can hear the oil slick slapping on the contaminated beach." -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"Not long ago, Dick Cheney that insisted fossil fuel is still the primary source of energy in our future for decades to come. Anybody who really believes this is a fossil, and should have the drilling rights auctioned to open their aorta." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"To the Vice President, Dick, is not just a nickname, it's an attitude." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"Laura, honey. Whyn'tch'all set yo' cute lil red hedd'd seff right down' here'n dis here big ol' crock pot 'n' make yo'seff nahce'n comfy, whiles't Ah whip us up a big ol' batch'a dumpl'n's, Hon?" -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"I love Republicans. They taste like chicken!" -- JR Ford, Feb 2006.

"There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in." -- Will Rogers.

"Those presidents who left office with a negative legacy--U.S. Grant for his drinking, Herbert Hoover for the Crash of 1929, Richard Nixon for Watergate--have all had at least one redeeming factor left on their behalf which most people have to try to remember--Grant for his drinking, Hoover for the Dam, and 'Only Nixon could go to China.'

"George W. Bush, too, will leave office as one of those historical punch lines. His one redeeming factor will be the initiation of the word 'NUCULAR' into the Oxford-English dictionary. Quite an achievement considering the last un-word that became one due to chronic, over-misuse by an American was, 'DOH!'" -- JR Ford, Jun 2005.

"Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it." -- Will Rogers.

"That lost CD? You know the one with the 26 million veterans and 2 million active duty personnel's names and personal records? It wasn't lost. It was misfiled between Debbie does Dallas and Dubyah does DC." -- JR Ford, Jun 2006.

"We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?" -- Will Rogers.

"As much as the Republican party hates trial lawyers, they sure are giving them plenty of practice." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"The FBI says our Nation's Capitol has the highest crime rate in the country; and that doesn't even count the White House." -- JR Ford, Oct 2005.

"Psychiatric statistics indicate that one person in seven is either unconscionable, sociopathic, and/or born into crime and/or moral poverty. This percentage seems to hold true for Congress, more or less." -- JR Ford, May 2006.

"Voters quickly forget what a man says." -- Richard M. Nixon.

"The only time the Bush administration makes an assertive statement or responds to a question with a concrete answer is when they are lying." -- JR Ford, Apr 2006.

"Does this administration ever tell the truth? Jeez-hus Keee-riest! They probably even lie in their prayers." -- JR Ford, Jan 2006.

"Ever notice that `Dick Cheney' is a complete sentence?" -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"May the Vice President slam his Christian nickname in the tailgate of his Hummer." -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"I`d like to propose renaming the White House to the Krusty Krab, at least until SpongeBob and Squidward surrender occupancy." -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"You can build a suicide car bomb by locking Dick Cheney in a Hummer with a Reuben sandwich and a Zippo." -- JR Ford, Nov 2005.

"Abort Bush, deport Bush, wrap him in a burning flag, let your sister marry his daughter, scrape the little yellow ribbon decal off his rear window with an X-Acto... What-fucking-ever!" -- JR Ford, Aug 2006.

"Cooperation must be agreed upon, or it will forced upon us." -- JR Ford, Nov 2005.

"One cannot intelligently contradict an adversary unless you know how they think--or how they don`t." -- JR Ford, Nov 2005.

"The Founding Fathers knew a government can't control the economy without controlling people. And they knew when a government sets out to do that, it must use force and coercion to achieve its purpose. So we have come to a time for choosing." -- Ronald Reagan, October 27, 1964.

"Oftentimes, thinking people who ascend to affluence descend to Republican." -- JR Ford, Oct 2000.

"The internet is the opiate of the 21st Century. What you hear and read is best viewed through rose colored glasses." -- JR Ford, Nov 2005.

"The American people should be made aware of the trend toward monopolization of the great public information vehicles and the concentration of more and more power over public opinion in fewer and fewer hands." -- Spiro T. Agnew.

"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what can you believe?!" -- Bullwinkle J. Moose.

"All animals are equal. Some animals are more equal." -- George Orwell, Animal Farm.

"All I remember of my wedding day in 1967 is that the Cubs lost a double header." -- George F. Will.

"So remember: When you vote Democratic, you're saying NO to mindless patriotism." -- AnnCoulter.com, Aug 2006.

"The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them." -- Rush Limbaugh.

"Jeez-hus Kee-riest! The line for Limbaughtomies is longer than the one for funnel-cakes!" -- JR Ford, Jan 2005.

"FOX, the most powerful name in news--in decibels anyway." -- JR Ford, Mar 2006.

"Dissent is the highest form of patriotism." -- Thomas Jefferson.

"One person can make a difference and every person should try." -- John F. Kennedy.

"The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them. " -- Mark Twain.

"What will we do after we tear down the establishment? Groove on the rubble for while." -- Jerry Rubin.

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." -- Theodore Roosevelt

"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell someone you are, you aren't." -- Margaret Thatcher.

"When you are going to a gunfight, take all of your guns." -- Colin Powell, 1991.

"Buy Guns and Vote. They may be our only freedoms left." -- JR Ford, Nov 2004.

"I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them." -- Jimmy Hoffa.

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
Daily Kos: "That's All I Can Stands, I Can't Stands No More; and Avoid Spinach" -- Popeye the Sailor

"I was born during the Cold War. To me, crossing the line means above the 38th parallel." -- JR Ford, Jul 2006.

"I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation." -- George Bernard Shaw.

The Unsubstantiated Press (UP) today released a copy of yet another instant message found on the Gay-Old-Perv.org internet server involving chat between disgraced congressman Mark Foley and a former 16 year old congressional page. AOL/AIM logs all instant messages, chats, and emails and freely shares log data with the Department of Justice, the FBI, the NSA, the Department of Homeland Security, and Dick Wolf, the producer of Law and Order, SVU.

Xxxxxxxxx (1:44:14 PM): hay... what you doing?
Maf54 (1:45:19 PM): what you think?
Xxxxxxxxx (1:45:49 PM): lol
Xxxxxxxxx (1:46:11 PM): can only imagine
Xxxxxxxxx (1:46:39 PM): in your office?
Maf54 (1:47:14 PM): yeah.... private
Maf54 (1:47:14 PM): cant chat long
Maf54 (1:47:24 PM): supposed to be on the floor to talk about the terri schaivo thing in a few mins
Maf54 (1:47:38 PM): gonna stop those liberal deviants from pulling the plug on her
Xxxxxxxxx (1:48:19 PM): terri schaivo whos that?
Maf54 (1:48:34 PM): some half dead fish in clearwater hospital
Xxxxxxxxx (1:49:09 PM): lol
Maf54 (1:49:31 PM): keep talkin
Maf54 (1:49:54 PM): ive got wood
Xxxxxxxxx (1:50:19 PM): lookin forward to hangin out together
Xxxxxxxxx (1:50:31 PM): lol
Maf54 (1:51:12 PM): yeah... sure will be a good time
Maf54 (1:51:27 PM): make you horny?
Xxxxxxxxx (1:52:01 PM): kinda... thinkin bout it...
Maf54 (1:52:27 PM): just got PAGED.... lol.... gotta go soon
Xxxxxxxxx (1:52:41 PM): you gonna make it?
Maf54 (1:51:27 PM): oh yeah ... mission accomplished!!!
Xxxxxxxxx (1:52:11 PM): lol
Xxxxxxxxx (1:52:21 PM): cool
Maf54 (1:53:14 PM): __________damn_____spacebar_______ is____sticking_____________again______
Maf54 signed off at 1:53:43 PM.

The 52 year old, single and never married Foley, a former six-term Republican congressman from an eight county district in central Florida, which is the heartland of religious conservatives and home of the largest pornography industry in the US, resigned from office Friday and immediately checked into an alcoholism rehab center. His attorney and de facto spokesperson has since convincingly revealed that Foley is "absolutely, positively not a pedophile;" and that the source of Foley's picadillos were resultant from his alcohol addiction, the fact that he was molested by a yet to be named clergyman between the ages of 13 and 17, that Foley is a lifelong homosexual, and that Foley is known to have checked out Midnight Cowboy from Blockbuster over 1100 times.

Political pundit, author of Rome Wasn't Burnt in a Day, and former Republican Florida Congressman Joe Scarborough declared he has known Foley since 1994, and knew Foley was gay the first time he met him. On July 20, 2001, Lori Klausutis, one of Scarborough's aides, died after hitting her head on a desk when she fainted while alone in Scarborough's Fort Walton Beach, Florida office. Although no foul play was suspected, Scarborough resigned his seat in Congress on September 6, 2001, claiming he wished to spend more time with his family in Florida. He currently resides in New York City.

Three other pages have come forth alleging they had exchanged creepy instant messages with Foley, one saying he had a nickname: FFF, for Florida Fag Foley. The Washington Post reported they had received communication from a former House page in 1995 further attesting to Foley's inappropriate innuendos and behavior.

The Republican controlled House Ethics Committee handed out four dozen subpoenas today, but would not confirm they would conclude or release any findings before November 7.

Meanwhile, House Speaker Dennis Hastert has repeatedly denied any recollection of three separate incidents described by Majority Leader John Boehner, RCCC Chairman Tom Reynolds, and Foley's former chief of staff, who claim they reported peculiar behavior by Foley two months, six months, and three years ago, respectively.

John Laesch, an Iraq war veteran and the Democratic challenger to Speaker Hastert for his House seat in Illinois, has quoted Hastert's own book poignantly titled: Congress for Dummies, from page 186 saying, "[H]e says that he listens to everything, and, you know, he knows everything that is going on. Use his words. Apparently he forgot, but on page 186 of his book, he says he listens to everything and he remembers everything."

At a press conference outside of his Illinois office today, Hastert backhandedly accepted responsibility for failing to deal with the alleged elected child predator, yet insisted he will not resign from his position as Speaker, despite calls from several conservative Republican lawmakers and newsmakers, and by an editorial in the conservative Washington Times newspaper.

Instead, Hastert alleged the entire scandal was fomented by, and is to the benefit of the Democratic Party, due to a conspiracy fostered by ABC News, the Democratic Party, billionaire George Soros, Bill Clinton, Michael Moore, Jesse Jackson, former congressman and head of the NAACP Kwase Imfume, the adult living decendants of Martin Luther King, Jr., the three surviving members of the 1968 Chicago Seven, musicians Bono and Yoko Ono, actors Barbra Streisand, Martin Short and Martin Sheen, Phil Donahue, wide receiver Terrell Owens, former third baseman Pete Rose, satirist Al Fraken, journalist Bill Moyers, the purple Teletubbie, and the producers of the film Jackass2.

Despite vehement condemnation by most conservative pundits and activists, including Kate O'Beirne and Bay Buchanan, former presidential candidate Pat Buchanan declipsed himself from the dark side of the Moon to further add to the left wing conspiracy theory claiming Democratic House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senator Hillary Clinton had marched in a gay pride parade alongside members of the underground organization NAMBLA, the North American Man Boy Love Association.

Today is October 6, 2006. There are 32 days until the November 7th mid-term election, and 838 days remaining until the legal expiration of George W. Bush's term.

Gawdhelpuzawl,

JR Ford
UP (Unsubstantiated Press)
St. Petersburg, Fl.
sixtimeseven@aol.com
forty-two

"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" -- Will Rogers.